The Only Thing That I am...

Rain and Tears

2011-02-18T19:56:00.001Z

“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at
dawn looking for an angry fix,”

It was a question on University Challenge and it brought with it some memories of Allen Ginsberg in Newcastle woven through me.

The reading I recall was unusual. For some reason the Morden tower was shut, so instead of sitting around on the floor we were in a kind of Victorian lecture theatre at the Miners Institute on Neville Street. It started with Tom Pickard, then Tony Jackson, who seemed to try very hard to look like Mr G. There were some really good friends there that night – everyone I’d have wanted. Tina, Jane L, Duffy… Hell we were cool.

Bladerunner – my Big Film
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die”
Just echoes that bit at the top from Howl

So how did someone like Ginsberg come to be reading in Newcastle (more than that one time too)? Basil Bunting was the Newcastle Poet whose reputation in America attracted some of its greatest poets here, along with many home grown greats too. Tom and Connie Pickard were instrumental in getting BB back onto the local scene. He lived in Wylam and commuted by train to the Toon. Last week I was talking to a woman who happens to live in Basil Bunting’s house in Wylam. Coincidence.

Now I’m going to try to find some lines that have come back to me from others:
“Tony Jackson is a walking Jungle…. Tony Jackson can cry.”
(could be Adrian Mitchell)
“I’ve seen darryl adams cry.”
(possibly misquoted)

I can’t find any web reference to the Miners institute reading. Shame. It used to be on University of Northumbria’s website and I put a link to it elsewhere, but it’s gone. I must remember that internet sources aren’t permanent like reference books…
Tears in rain.

What I have learnt from the snow

2010-12-07T21:26:00.006Z

It's never too late to learn. It's -8C here at 5pm and we've had a fortnight of snow cover. I'm still learning.
1. That fake snow icing effect on Christmas cakes is realistic after all.

2. When they say "where there's poultry there's rats" it's true. Footprints in the snow confirm, right up to their hidey holes in the bonfire heap.

I'm not sure why they did a flag though.
3. Clearing the front step will only ensure it is icy as anything tomorrow and make the Lady of the House slip (unless she's very carefull and haha I am).

4. The next door trees, though not directly above the polytunnel can shed branches that wriggle as they fall to make holes. Boo.
5. My 17 year old gutters may have given way and tumbled, taking tons of snow down with them but even the Big New House Next Door Down the Garden has problems with theirs.

(not to mention their 4x4 getting stuck halfway down their drive - allegedly - complete hearsay from another neighbour).

6. I can see a lot of tracks in the garden - pheasant, Mr Foxy and the Longtails (see 2). As well as other birds, cats and the odd seagull. Mr Foxy may well chase the rodents, but ... what about the hens? So far the electric fence continues to click, despite being bowed down by sheer volume of snow (see 5) . Nobody's laying yet - 23 weeks Gingerbread - I'm counting.

7. The hens are OK. Their water just needs the ice layer removing and they're fine. Barney's cleared the snow (no mean feat) so they can scratch, Moses is bossyboots still, and they're pooing for GB.

Meet Les - the pet snail

2010-11-05T21:43:00.003Z

Ellie has had her sight restored. Mr Mackley - optician to the Special Ones has boosted her lens power again. While she was parked under the trees a snail with travel aspirations set up home on her car window - driver's side because (obviously) he had designs on becoming her Number One Pet. Also, knowing she has perfect vision, he expects she'll be a safe driver etc. and look out for him. Snails not being the speediest of creatures when it comes to avoiding Danger.

I noticed him as soon as I saw the car. Handsome chap. He hasn't moved - she thought he may be dead, but I said they drop off when they die, clearly he is attached to her...

We think he may be French on account of his attachment to cars and desire to go.

Yes, he's Les CarGo

Boom Boom.

Welcome News

2010-10-26T21:26:00.002+01:00

HA!
Finally I got my money back from Welcome Finance after a year's phone calls and letters and tears. I had to get The Rottweiler Woman from the Observer Newspaper onto them though.

It's a bit sad that these companies only spring into action when the press gets involved. At least I don't have to wait for the Ombudsman.

Wedding in London

2010-10-26T20:51:00.003+01:00

Now that's what I call a wedding.

It was a kind of Barnett Family gathering and shindig in the Mudlark by London Bridge. The street outside full of Zombies and lost souls from the Dungeon etc. There were a lot of wee kids dancing and doing the limbo under a green pashmina, the grown up bridesmaids wore black and the priest sounded just like Colin. I was not the largest woman in the room either, but I may have been the rowdiest sing alongest at times.

We stayed at The Hilton in Canary Wharf which was good - most of the other guests were there for the wrestling at the O2 arena, lots of tattoos and interesting tee shirts. Pete and Sue stayed too and had a room with rose petals in the shape of a heart on the bed. We sat in the lovely bar and had pizza and stuff, but it didn't stop us doing justice to the magnificent breakfast and in a room of wrestlers nobody looks greedy haha.

A stroll around the wharf, checked out the docklands museum, drank lots of tea then off the rest went and I got out my oyster card and got on the DLR towards home.

Capital. Thick and Thin

2010-10-26T20:23:00.004+01:00

I've been to a wedding in That London. It was great. A Proper London Wedding. Barney wanted all of us to go so he drove Els, Colin, Nick and Yvonne down on Sat am while I swanned down by train and had a couple of nights at Jackie's in Dulwich first.

Jackie had a prior engagement at Kensington Palace the evening I arrived, so i arranged to meet her in a nearby pub. I got an Oyster card and took the tube to Green park then walked the rest since I had an hour to spare. On the way I stopped at Harvey Nicks to buy Red lipstick and black tights to go with my wedding outfit. HN is a shop full of beautiful creatures with me in my red coat, huge bag slung across shoulder. I decided in advance that Wolford Tights would be The Ones. The assistant was wonderful, showing me some very elegant slight sheen near sheers but no, I wanted matt black. She was apologetic: the only size available was large. (is this woman blind? I thought. If anyone is Size Large in this whole emporium, it is I). I took them. They were fine, and still are and I'm hoping will be for at least 5 years - at £18 they need to be.

I got to the pub, something to do with a goat, got a cider in and waited for Jackie, then we had a lovely meal next door and took a cab to her house. It wasn't a quiet weekend in the Mountains: a NZ pal was visiting and checking out some of her old man's fine wines. When in Rome... Jackie's number one son was moving out that weekend and also packing for a fortnight in Switzerland with his new employers - nice work. I stayed in middle girl's room - lovely in the attic. Both children so far have recently achieved firsts at Oxford. No pressure on Lovely Youngest then as he approached his 18th.

I had Lunch with ladies in Blackheath and heard a scurrilous tale from a woman who knew a journalist who had worked at the Scotsman in the 1920's or 30's. Every day as he walked along Princes street on his way to work, he saw an Old Woman who sat on the Scott Monument mutterning to herself. One morning she beckoned him over with a crabbit claw ( I made that up for effect) and whispered that if he crossed her palm with silver she'd tell him something she'd told no one before. He pressed a tanner intae the claw and leaned close. She croaked " I wes. (insert appropriate coarse word intimating scenes of a sexual nature) by Robert Louis Stevenson". That was the highlight of my trip. I'm sure it's true too.

On the way home I went into the British Library to view my assets (as a taxpayer) and bought a postcard showing the cover of Treasure Island. Then to King's Cross for the Edinburgh Train.

Bats

2010-09-01T07:59:00.002+01:00

Mum was worried on Monday. Problem: she thought she heard a bird in the loft on Saturday, but decided it was outside. On Sunday evening she was certain she heard it in the loft – a loud chirp. We went round and took a look in the loft. I said it was probably a bat since it was evening, but she was adamant it chirped, or she was an old bat. There was no real sign of birds in the loft and with one deaf ear she hadn’t been able to get an idea of direction of sound. Barney decided we’d have to clear the loft. Something we’d been saving for a fine day anyway to avoid dust etc. Colin and Els were there so we all set to. Just before we finished… Ellie heard the smoke alarm’s ‘low battery’ indicator. It said ‘chirp’.
And that’s how we got granma’s loft emptied.

the foot

2010-09-01T07:59:00.001+01:00

the eight

2010-09-01T07:58:00.001+01:00

Hello Dolly

2010-06-27T20:26:00.004+01:00

One of the chicks must be eating a lot. Her crop is much enlarged. She's the one on the left and her name is now Dolly. I am trying to teach her the lyrics to 'stand by your man' in the hope that she may have a glittering stage career but so far she has only responded with a flick of the tail.

Moses went at Barney today.

I have a sound technique with Moses: I take the plastic rake with me and keep it between us. If he runs at me, I hold it across at his chest level, shout a bit and he stops short. Lately in the warmer weather I've had a plant spray too - if he even looks my way I squirt a bit and he backs off. Since he ran at me and pecked my knee early on, I really watch him. However, he is only doing his duty looking after My Girls and he was rescued from abandonment, and he is very handsome and fertile etc (draw a veil - quick).

Today I had to leave in a hurry so Barney opened the pop hole and for the first time Moses ran at him and pecked his knee. Well, it's a different story now - Barney wants Moses out/culled/in the pot. He even brought a mate home from the pub with a lightning strangle action, but I held firm: Moses stays. I reckon one of the New Boys (his own son - how biblical) will usurp him one day.

Barney is also unhappy with having to shut the hens in at night and open them up in the morning to suppress the crowing. I am going to get an automatic door system at great expense.

Meanwhile the chicks are doing well in their paddling pool (Argos £6.25), but I've switched off the lamp in their brooder and given them a 60W one outside, along with water and food. I need them free of the brooder because there should be a hatching tomorrow or Tuesday. We've moved the Egglu close to home as their next step. It needs a good old clean and disinfect first, and I'm hopin a golf hand warmer will do for overnight (they last 8 hrs) from week 6. Fingers crossed for good weather/warm nights.

Barney wants his room back but I say no: this is animal welfare stand back. I hope they get this level of care when I'm away at WOMAD.

Tanning Shop names

2010-06-15T19:46:00.002+01:00

In Ferryhill they have Tan Z bar
Wingate has one too, as well as Tanfastic

This one's currently winning. It's in Blyth.

Apparently Newton Aycliffe has one that's Tanz in 'ere

Cheep cheep

2010-06-13T12:13:00.006+01:00

The brooder came. It's a bit Little Tikes, but the chicks seem happy in it.

We're doing a lot of handling to avoid them growing up like daddy - Moses isn't getting any gentler.

and another 4 hours

2010-06-09T16:34:00.003+01:00

Just got back from farmway with their smallest bag of chick crumbs - 20kg 'but I've only got two chicks' I protested. I was going to buy it this morning but decided I'd wait to see if any hatched - don't count your chickens...

Indeed, don't. I checked to see whether it was time to intervene with the last egg.

and there was Son of Moses (or perhaps daughter, but son has a kind of Leonard Cohen ring to it) on his scuffy little way.

90 minutes

2010-06-09T13:36:00.005+01:00

What a difference 90 minutes makes (as they say in the Toon): Or 14 hours (as they don't say many times).

We had 5 eggs (Dad Moses, mams Bluebell and Peppersocks) in the incubator Ellie borrowed from Nicky-at-work, but two failed the candling at 10 days (see? I have the technical language). Last nightI won a bid for a brooder on ebay , good timing because that means it should get sent today and get here tomorrow - the chicks were due to hatch Thursday and they can have a day in the incubator while it warms up.

Ellie noticed a small crack in the 3 eggs at about 11pm last night. We could hear a wee cheep cheep at 11.30. I woke up at 4.30 full of plans to buy chick crumbs. Ran down to check the incubator and... no change. 9.00 still no change. At 9.30 there was a hole in one shell - pipped, then another. Not much change in number 3 though - but it did cheep when i lifted it (a good sign it says on the internet).

When I went out to see the hens at 11am I decided to take a photo every 2 hours to help me spot progress. One hole was getting bigger and I could see a beak.

At 12.30 I had the pressure cooker on, which hisses and cheeps like a chicken too. I went to check the eggs and Lo! (as we say).

So was it the pressure cooker cheeping that spurred them on? Could have been the lovely smell of chicken soup boiling ...

Traditional Antipodean Fare

2010-05-26T16:49:00.003+01:00

The thing about word processors is that you have to check they're not using a bit of poetic licence. Here's a recipe from a GCSE student:

Of course it could be Aussie Home Cooking.

Retirement? Que?

2010-05-11T13:21:00.004+01:00

This morning I have been mostly on my knees in the dryer space trying to fix a bit of a leak from the washer. there was such a massive pile of washing on the floor that I didn't see the water until I'd started on clearing it - a cold day for drying on the line see?

The lawns are also long because the Big Mower is stranded in the garage behind a huge pile of former loft contents. Barney's logic is that now there is an extra layer of insulation over the joist level it isn't safe to venture up there. He did the extra stuff in December. That means the Xmas decs are in boxes around the dining room where I need some space soon to do exam board work. There's also the polystyrene beads to clear from the table but i blame me mam for that.

To free the mower i have to sort out the pile of stuff. There was a plan to find space in the wardrobes when Els and Colly go to Their New Home, but Barney's finding more tasks to keep them out, sigh. So far I have Camping, golf , hens and luggage categories. There are empty boxes from things like the Nintendo SNES and keyboards etc that I wanted to keep until the guarantees ran out (oh in 1996 sometime). I'm thinking about putting their contents back into them then getting them on ebay. Barney says Naah. Too much hassle posting apparently.

It's going to be a long job - I'm hoping the cold weather will slow grass growth down.

Yesterday I borrowed me Mam's strimmer to tidy The New Home's garden. She came along to watch, but quickly took over when it became apparent i don't have her technique. So there I was raking up grass as an octogenarian wielded the strimmer... Oh this retirement lark - never been busier.

More sleep murdered

2010-05-07T10:47:00.002+01:00

5.30 am: Ellie wanders into our room. She stands a while, until she knows I'm stirring.
"The cockerel's up" she says.
He didn't wake me - so she came in just to make sure. HMMM. There's nothing I can do. Trying to catch him would make more noise and result in certain injury.
I got out for the morning to avoid the wrath of the neighbours.

Oh dear, the incubator isn't going to be available afer all. They've decided to try another batch. Well I've decided to recommission the Egglu as a hatching/brooding pen. Idea is to make it all nice and homely, put the eggs in then first try to lure pepper in there - moving on to kidnapping her at night and bundling her in.

We'll see - first of all will Moses let me get the Egglu ready?

Father Moses?

2010-05-06T20:06:00.002+01:00

I have nine eggs saved up and keeping cool. Ellie's mates' should be hatching any day - then we can have her incubator. It's so exciting.
Meanwhile Moses is pretending to be a good boy - he rushed at me yesterday as I walked past the henclosure. Then he came to a rapid halt as he encountered the electric fence and tried to retain his dignity while disentangling his spurs. I MUST get a water pistol - that's what Sally Horse recommends and she is always right.

The hens aren't having layers pellets, of course, Moses being a boy and all. They're enjoying a lot of veggies and corn though as well as sundry worms. the pecking order is a bit odd. grapes, and other treats Moses stands back for Bluebell, but when it's greens he's straight in there making rumbly noises. Mad as a cock I say.

THE HEN SHOUTER

2010-04-22T17:11:00.002+01:00

This morning Moses attempted to attack me - well he pecked my knee. I have a bruise.
OK I'd just let them out and he's keen to do his Gentleman Stuff first thing and maybe he thought I was a rival. Well I am now.

I looked it up and apparently I have to show him I'm first in the pecking order...by doing a bit of Cock behaviour, a bit like being an animal whisperer. So it's quite simple: you take 3 side steps then stamp your feet threateningly. Then you have to be louder than him.

So I do my dance. The cock ignores me. Then he crows "cock a doodle do"" and I crow "I'm louder than you ooooo" at top volume and believe me when I was teaching the front row often had their hands over their ears. Then I shouted "You're not my boss" a few times, stalking around and being nice to the others out-shouting him and whistling his crows down.

The neighbours must have been well entertained, maybe.

Moses

2010-04-16T13:46:00.003+01:00

I am getting a cock. Not in the body dismorphia sense. This one was abandoned in the marshland with my brother's sheep, so naturally he fed it corn and called Sally the Everything Whisperer who caught him and they took him home to the stable. She did get a peck on the cheek for her trouble, not in the endearment sense.

My cock is a Buff Orpington. He's a bog boy, (I meant to type 'big' but he was found in the rushes which is why he's called Moses). Sally already has a daft wee cock called Eggbert, so we didn't want any unseemliness or slaughter and I said he could come and live with my Big Girls.

Next I'm sorting out a blind across the wire mesh on the hen hoos and we'll have to close the pop hole at night so he doesn't wake up before he's allowed. The neighbours may have yappy dogs and I'm not sure yet whether Moses is a fine rich baritone or what, but anyway he's bound not to be universally liked.

I'm going to get him tonight so he can be sneaked in on the girls when they're asleep. I'm hoping he's OK at keeping the ladies happy. We'll see. He's certainly a Looker.

A day in Bamburgh

2010-04-12T20:13:00.000+01:00

We live in a beautiful part of the country. Today I travelled with our Junior team to Bamburgh Castle Golf Club (above is the view from 15th tee). Every year the ladies of the club invite the girls to play a match followed by Fish and Chips. It's the first fixture of the season and makes a great start - especially when the weather is stunning like today.

The girls get to meet 8 ladies who are keen to support Junior girls and see them improve. They also get to play a challenging course against players who know it well. Balls were lost, but not tempers. We won 3/1 with some fantastic golf shots. I saw the Bamburgh Castle Lady Captain come within 100mm of a hole in one and, best of all, I didn't forget any of the important stuff this time.

Meanwhile the Dad who'd given some girls a lift did a 50 mile cycle ride in the hills - awesome. I stood back and watched the splendour.

Sniff sniff splutter croak cough croak

2010-03-31T20:50:00.002+01:00

I am not a well Lizzy. Nothing Major - it can't be flu after my two sets of injections and all, but hell I'm Rough. I've been decamping to the spare room to sleep because It's impossible to sleep when suppressing snuffles and burbling gurgling choking splutters so as not to wake The Worker, This is how Retirement Changes Lives.
It is the second Bad Cold since last blog. First I collected from Edinburgh at Half Term, but it was beautiful up there. Crisp walks with dog on beach and without in Botanical Gardens, meeting two lovely boys I've heard much about over the last 3yrs or so. I found out about Lightning McQueen too. This cold is The Ma and Pa. Last week I was on an interview Panel for a full day, cooped up in a small stuffy room. 3 of the 5 candidates were streaming and came from different areas so I now have the distilled essence of the very worst of their germs coursing round my body - and from my nose and mouth too. STAY AWAY I told me ma. I also said if she got it I'd go and nurse her.
Looking on the bright side - there can't be many strains of nasties left for me in the snufflr dept this year= and I got the Old Lady discount at B&Q too.

BOO!

2010-01-30T21:42:00.006Z

Ha! caught you. Just when it seemed I had gone from the blogosphere...I'm back.

I had such a lot of wonderful posts in my head (maybe I need a twitterphone), but wanted to get them in chronologically.
Starting with the scandal of David gray in Edinburgh when we couldn't see anyone on stage. At all. For the entire show. At £37 each (yeah we know, ticketmaster do that with our tickets, it's out of our control - like they can't just stop using them).

We heard some good stuff though, mainly from others round us, and some shabby singalongs. We narrowly missed the girl vomiting all over the people in front of her on the way out and avoided stepping in it too.
Edinburgh itself (herself?) was ace though. The skating in Princes Gardens, the great restaurant, the mad pub, the people on the train home with their bottle of wine sharing with a guy in his water bottle.

Christmas Cheer at the Hospital was an experience not to be missed. Sad really. I had the 8.15am appointment.

Yes I have a lot of gallstones, yes they are big. I also still have high blood pressure, but can wait til March before they test again.

Then there was the snow and the frozen hens - I lost one.

I retired. Never been so busy in my life it seems.

Ellie bought a house. A very shabby one with Lots of Potential. As my mother says it Will be Lovely When it's Finished. So we're spending hours there stripping walls sweeping up and generally knocking down walls etc. There's a budget for making it Nice, but it's all going into the house's own blog.

Some things never change. Welcome finance are still saying my payment of £946 was freturned - but it still hasn't hit my account. Barclays reckon it'll be OK in the end. Hmm. I'm not sure even the ombudsman can help on this one. Total scandal.

Murdering me own sleep, the very gall.

2009-11-24T19:30:00.001Z

Tina came up in October so we could see The Zombies and Otway and Barrett. Both were great, but the day before she arrived I suddenly had a temperature and great tiredness at work, so I went home in the afternoon, straight to bed. I was off for 3 days, by which time I felt fine, so probably not flu. One evening round that time I had Great upper abdominal pains (in my great abdomen), but since my lips weren’t blue, and half an hour of lying on the floor sucking mints eased it, I ignored that one.

Then last week I went for a curry with The Ladies. One am I woke up in agony. Same pains, stronger and longer though. Next day I staggered knackered to work and again left because of intense tiredness. I went to see Nice Nurse Sarah for a blood pressure test then went back later to catch the doctor at the end of surgery. BP was up again. Apparently it’s me gall bladder. I have to have a scan and blood tests for both GB and BP. “Bugger”, I said “ I’ve just put me early retirement request in. I could have had weeks off on full pay”. Next day I went to work at Spennymoor again and Lo! Afternoon extreme fatigue set in. I went home to bed and spent the weekend there, only raising my head to cheer weakly when Jedward got their come-uppance.

Yesterday I was back to work as normal, today better. It’s the old low fat regime and no skipped meals (not like the banana for 2 meals and nowt else til 8pm then). Mind, at least I’m sleeping better, like 6pm to 11am better. Shame about the early mornings from today on, they could knack me again.

On a brighter note, Ellie keeps nearly getting the Woolwich to give her a mortgage then having to find more docs, sigh. The property’s only worth £75000, she’s putting in 30%. What’s their problem? Have they heard extremely gloomy reports of housing prices in NE5?

He hath murdered sleep again

2009-11-10T22:31:00.003Z

Barney sat up in bed at 3am and shouted "we have to cancel the debit cards", then he went for his phone and started to call the credit card number. I muttered it was OK and go back to sleep, long drive North next day etc. He phoned the right number and shouted a bit at the incomprehensible Johnny Foreigner before being reassured by some nice woman in Wales. It takes 10 days look you boyo, int worth the trouble now is it?
Next morning I didn't get to my meeting early - after telling everyone else they should because the new venue had few parking spaces... Barney was fine. He also got to Edinburgh fine. I was knackered, after my banana breakfast and banana lunch (too many meetings for eating) I got home then had to go out again at the request of me mam. I didn't have a drink though - would've fallen over.
This sleep murdering lark is getting a bit wearing. Never mind, once I've retired it'll not matter. haha

Rites of passage - the propert market

2009-10-30T15:48:00.003Z

Ellie's got an offer accepted on a house. I feel such a grown up, having guided her through the property minefield in 1977 terms. She was polite.

It's the house she can afford, rather than of her dreams, that bit hasn't changed at all since 1977. It's an ex-council property and unusually small. (They were supposed to have room in the hall for a pram, according to me mam. It's probably just as well this one hasn't). There are very old carpets and the original windows and a pervading odour of animal vegetable or mineral, whatever it is, it's old and decaying. We reckon around 10K to get it habitable (more to match the manner to which she has become accustomed swanning it around here). It will be a hobby for me in my retirement: project managing. She was going to get a bigger mortgage with the Young Man but his former missed payment on a card and unorthodox dealings with Welcome finance have kind of scuppered that one. So she's on her own, financially, I suppose she'll let him stay there occasionally if he's good.

Meanwhile The Young Man's problems with Welcome Finance have moved to myself and I find I'm chasing them for a duplicated payment they claim not to have received despite Barclays assurances. Carole at Gateshead is trying, she says, but it appears there's almost a thousand pounds in a black hole. That's a new central heating boiler for yer average ex-council terrace house.

The property search has made me wonder... When do new houses become worth around the same as older ones of the same size? I've noticed that 1970's/'80's properties which were more expensive when new, now cost less than 1950's and 1960's, whereas the nineties ones are still quite pricey. It could be to do with running costs - lots of windows giving way to higher insulation standards. I've also learned that people seem to see uPVC windows as preferable to my solid mahogany double glazing (nasty brown windows, acccording to Shazza).

Murder'd Sleep

2009-10-11T17:55:00.002+01:00

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. The bed was shaking. Then I really woke up. It turned out it was Barney – laughing uncontrollably at 4 in the morning.
In his dreams he was remembering the Postman Incident, telling his mates about it and giggling helplessly at his wit. I know because he told me all about it later when I got up to make at cup of tea at 7am. It’s a much better story now ‘he wouldn’t hand over his mailbags in case he lost his job…. there was his enormous bum rising over the pyracantha…’ etc. In the meantime I busied my weary brain with different angles on Supporting Your Child Buying a House. I thought my helicopter days were over, but feel a great urge to hover, maybe at a distance. Anyway since the cash ISAs seems to be paying 0.5% (Yes, but it is tax free! Like equivalent to 0.625% gross), I think it could well be a better investment to get into property on the back of a ftb. That’s trade talk for first time buyer, see. We spent the day looking at shabby houses, then at teeny tiny pokey boxes of new build, then the evening talking shared responsibility and other such stuff in between giving our informed decisions on the X-factor finalists. Then I had to design and print 30 certificates for the following day’s presentation. It was a very long day yesterday.

That Barney, now he hath murder'd sleep I am a tortured soul.

Whizz whizz whizz.

2009-09-21T20:47:00.001+01:00

Everything’s happening at once. Work is very busy – the AQA exam board moderators have been spreading gloom inconsistently in the world of GCSE ICT. Keeps me in paid employment.

Nearer home, number one son has returned from Nice with Ms Low looking very twinkly and sparkly around the left hand area. I decided I shouldn’t get a nice shiny 10 month old car since I wouldn’t need it for work for much longer. Lovely Chloe is going Miles Away to Australia. I got wor tickets for Otway and Barratt who were the highlight of my Edinburgh trip in August. They just happened to be next on at the venue where we saw a Wesker play. Great antidote they were too.

They’ve improved the IT at work so I can only do outlook calendars at my desktop shared machine – but it’s a quiet week if I’m in the office more than 2 half days – mostly it’s school to school across the beautiful landscapes. Great really. The New Greatly Improved Wireless only works for corporate strapped down machines too – not my free agent so I can try out stuff for schools one.
Hey! I’m retiring soon.

August Summary

2009-09-10T21:29:00.005+01:00

Bah to Festivals. They are all full of Rich Kids who got free tickets cos daddy knows somebody and they’re in very expensive flash wee tents unlike our economy sized hangars and all night they say ‘Yah, Rah’ and ‘yeah yeah yeah’
We went on some serious walks in our wellies though, and heard some good stuff.
But hey to the Hawkwind fan with the labrador who gave us directions, and the lovely people of Ledbury with their tea and eggs and Other Produce.

Edinburgh seemed to have attracted the same plonkers, but there were some good shows. Boo to Pleasance who had no directions to the distant hut over yonder where King of the Gipsies was on, so we were late and wasted 4 full price tickets (unheard of mate).

I crowned my year as The New Mrs Golf by leading my wee girls to a resounding defeat in Lancashire. But we all stayed in a boarding school which was great and Pottery.

They weren't too keen on the Fire Alarm Demo

Then (in total contrast) Barney’s crew finally went out on Nanna Night. A rare sight. I no longer approach Old Age with trepidation, knowing I can be so stylish, ahem.

Which brings me to retirement... I keep refining my plan (not the same as changing my mind, quite). Today I’m going to freeze my pension and go part time, or maybe retire and hope for short contracts. Tomorrow who knows?

Tomorrow we’re at the Sage seeing Old Badly. I hope Barney doesn’t remember Milan and shout ‘Dave’.

Helping Hands

2009-08-02T16:59:00.002+01:00

Blimey it's been all go.

Barney's off Crop Circling and I'm taking me team to the Jubilee in Lancashire early tomorrow. On Thursday we're meeting up at thye Big Chill in Eastnor, so that's why it's been all hands to the pump me hearties getting all the festival stuff into his car. That includes me clothes, since I'll be getting the train to Tina's then riding shotgun with her. I've been phoning about cups and plates, provisions and all sorts, until Tina told me about The List. It tells you what to take: " earplugs (if you're a light sleeper), condom's (if you're not)...". That's a relief.

Then I've been cleaning my car inside (a rare treat, but other people have to be in there for quite a long time, so it's a humanitarian act). Barney (possibly in anticipation of scenes of a sexual nature) did the outside with the pressure washer that makes his own car so twinkly sparkly week in week out. With erm.. results anyway. Well, I always say you can tell the extent of a chap's True Love by how meticulously he attends to the cleansing of your wheels.

Then I told him the sleeping bags aren't the same size. One for humans one for giants (scandinavian IKEA). HA HA less of them SOASN at the old chill then.

It’s Nana Night

2009-07-25T16:37:00.000+01:00

The lasses from Barney’s work have been busy buying grey wigs and starting some knitting. Charity shops have been stripped of trolley bags. They have their specs and a pair of false teeth between them for beer related dares. Tonight’s the Big Night on the town.
He saw some of their cunning trix yesterday including the Southbound Bustline comprising a pair of tights sewn across the top and stuffed then tied into two lumps with smaller knots for nips. The legs then tie round your neck like a halter and hey presto granny’s own buzzum.

Photos to follow.

Speaking of journeys south….I’m on a train. Should that be I’M ON A TRAIN?

I’ve been to Near Winchester for a day again. It’s a Saturday so this was a hybrid journey. No trains early enough from Newcastle to get to Southampton on time and no flights back home before tomorrow night.

Oh how cheerfully I’ve been informed that a return would only cost another pound… but a return would mean an overnight stay and i’d rather have my own bed. Well, our own bed.

There have been some delays today. No Victoria line for a start, then problems North of King’s X, but you wait around a lot when you fly. As a passenger, the main difference to me has been the level of comfort waiting. There were only 4 visible seats on King’s X Station and they were down platform 1. I hadn’t realised I can no longer stand for long periods. Well, I know sometimes I get dizzy standing still, I think I’m like a shark – need to move to breathe. But this standing around lark was knacking (technical term). At least the meeting was brief – so I should be home by 8pm rather than 11 as predicted.

This week’s triumphs are software related.
Got outlook calendar from one email account to another (via access)
Got Office onto the CD drive-less netbook via a hard drive. Yip.

Bobby’s charity match tomorrow. Yip yip.

Pesky rabbits

2009-07-17T18:50:00.003+01:00

It was pouring with rain last night - and this morning when I left for work and noticed that the tunnel door was ajar.

Tonight I put my anorak on and plodged down the garden. There's a lot of water. The greenhouse is an island. The usually dry side route is under water and inside the tunnel the straw end is a pool. Then when I stood on the ground cover stuff it was a bit balloony and oops - it all welled up round my feet. I had to water some plants, but at least they hadn't been destroyed by The Elements.

That's when I noticed that the broccolli and the strawberries had been destroyed by severe lapination or a plague of rabbits. The fact that I watched the Donny Darko sequel on Weds night may or may not have been instrumental in calling down the bunnies. It certainly distracted me from remembering to close the door. Bugger.

Luckily The Open isn't submerged, so the rest of the family are OK. I haven't spotted them on TV yet - they must be in the Tented boozers. IMHO though I am jealous.

AND I was going to buy tickets for Taj mahal at the Sage, but turns out it's Loudon Wainwright. Old Numb as a Statue himself. Oh I'm going if there's any tix left. Yip.

Like Muvver

2009-07-11T22:32:00.003+01:00

4.30 am.

Barney is tossing and turning. He can't sleep. He's bought the car and now he's worrying about how to make his phone communicate in bluetooth with Audi System. Having just been through a run of several sleepless nights wondering whether he'll sell his soul to Looks and Performance over the One Man Eco-warrior, I am not over impressed. However, I am constructive. I make tea. I give him the wee computer from beside my bed (sad...). He finds a youtube video of a woman sorting her registry out (that's good - apparently).

He knows I bluetooth from time to time, so he connects with my phone. Yawn, I say yes send me yer photos and I get his album. Quite few show me. (now I'm a bit chastened, mine shows stuff like Toilets to Remember etc). There are some of the great polytunnel construction including two of me and Ellie supervising construction. Key difference: I've found lying on a few planks, like in a sauna is more comfortable than the cold clay soil.

Astute observers will notice this was the first time they got the hoops up: when it wasn't exactly parallel despite all the advanced laser levelling aids I'd thoughtfully provided.

Wasn't it tidy when it was empty?

Rainwater harvesting

2009-07-05T14:30:00.002+01:00

Mostly the system on the tunnel is working. The plastic sheet guides the water into the gutter and it runs into the butts OK, except when it’s really heavy rain. Then the gutter overflows on the inside, splashing on the ground and coming under the base rail. I reckon we need a second downcomer at the other end – and another butt.

Barney meanwhile wants a nice neat look outside so he’s put the lids on. Hmm. When it Proper Rains (as it always does right now) a lot just floods over the lid.

Unfortunately Barney’s desire for a tidy look does not extend to the tunnel inside. He’s a bit of a messy potter (whereas I’m always aware of the risk of infection etc), but at least gets the job done. Yesterday I got home to find the hens’ straw bale in the tunnel.. I am keeping calm. I read somewhere about using one to keep tomatoes watered or something. I try. I’ve got an IKEA shoe tidy for putting the little bits and pieces in. Meanwhile the table isn’t looking promising for being available to take to the Big Chill. We’re going on the Zombie day (I haven’t mentioned this to Barney, or Tina yet).

On the greenhouse, he’s interfered with my system of buckets in a good way by moving the spare butt up. Needs a bit of tweaking, but showing potential. The melons are looking good in there and the new automatic vent is ace (especially when I’m late for work and don’t get out early).

Meanwhile the slug riddled strawberries are treating the hens. I’m busy making wire supports with some cheap coated wire from Wickes, using a Bulmers original bottle for a former. I went to school with a girl who counted W Heath Robinson among her relations. I think we must’ve been switched at an early age.

Today Barney was out when his mate Mick arrived bearing nearly 3 stone of chitted spuds. He says B asked for them. They need planting straight away. Oh dearie me I said. I think it’ll be ground cover fabric with a few holes dug in. Depends how many pints he’s had by the time he drifts home later. He’s out wiv me bruv playing golf and probably negotiating the purchase of a vehicle which won’t be doing much planet saving anytime soon.

Long Days

2009-06-21T20:26:00.003+01:00

It's been a good weekend. I did some catching up work, but mostly we've been in the garden. Then we've watched the rain on the US golf on TV and played facebook scrabble which has to be the best way to exercise the cider addled brain... maybe not.

Today we used the Butt Pump to empty the big butt so we could get a stand under it. Last week I'd moved it then lost the will when I couldn't adjust the inlet to high enough, so I left it. Meanwhile it rained and 200 litres of water is a bit heavy to be lifting. I bought the pump so we can use it for watering the garden from the butts. The tunnel ones are close enough to be dipping butts, but I'm working on a siphon system. It works brilliantly so I'm cheery as anything.

We also had a barbeque - ate in the tunnel. yip. We'd moved all the plants out so Barney could get the ground sheet down, then moved them back in a bit tidier. They seem OK.

Ellie set it up outside and made sure the smoke went up the trees. We used the camping table - one day I'll have to fold it up for the big chill, but right now I've been getting me £15 worth.

I'm going to start buying more random tables for staging when I see them at the clearance bargains shop.

Party Tunnel

2009-06-19T15:33:00.001+01:00

I got home to an empty house.

Cars on drive OK, but no people indoors. The back door was locked – no key, which usually means he’s up the garden and being security conscious.

Then Ellie came in. They were all in the Tunnel having a barbeque – with a lot of cider and beer. Chris on a padded lounger, the picnic table and chairs set out nicely. A lovely domestic scene.

I hope we’ve many more to come. .. but next time I’ll make them do the cooking outside of the doors. I’m sure a thin grease film on the cover isn’t very good for the plants.

Phased Retirement

2009-06-17T23:19:00.001+01:00

That’s what I’m calling it.
Today I did my last day at the Old White Men’s exam board. Well, there’s a bit of marking and reporting, but it was my last trip south. It started when I was feeling very busy and pressured and I realised just how many days I’ve done for them in the last few years, for low pay and zero being valued (ha you investors in people you). The Mr V Important said they’d manage without me for this year’s awarding (even less valued). Oops – I’ve gone.

My iPod was a bit spooky, as it is sometimes, and I had a strange Strong Family Experience. Just felt overwhelming love for the lot of them which, instead of making me careful got me rushing home at 70mph (and the rest). Unfortunately I lost my average MPH of 59.1 …. Achieved on the way due to heavy rain (less resistance) and the fact that it’s clearly downhill going south…

So as Roger Daltrey said ‘I’m Free’
Next it’ll be reducing the hours in the day job,(if I still need time). Tomorrow I see Amanda whose been telling me to retire for a while now (on account of illness, busy-ness etc). It’s a step, I’ll tell her.

Of course the current priority is the tunnel which is not at all compatible with exam work. I’ve been away 2 nights. In the meantime one of the scabby grapes has buds, strawberries almost done and the water butts are overflowing.

In other news – Tina’s tent – twin to ours - withstood the recent thunderstorm – woo hoo. Big Chill here we come. (just need to decide who will mind the Plot – octogenarian or vague bruv – resident offspring away on an unfortunate clash)

The Great Water Plan

2009-06-17T23:10:00.004+01:00

I know, I don’t live far from Keilder reservoir, but this is my own great water plan. We’ve (erm Barney, with my help) put gutters and butts on the tunnel, following me master plan and using Wickes mini stuff, which is about right, with a bit of plastic here and there (and we have a lot of bits of plastic. I haven’t told Barney about the second tunnel…yet. Keep a bit of Mystique in yer relationship I say)).

Extra plastic stapled on to get the rain into the gutters

The idea is that since the garden floods from the next door Mahussive House, and as the quote for proper drains was (a) £10,000 and (b) wasteful of nice fresh rainwater, we need to harvest the Polytunnel water and use it as the plants demand. Nature seems to be being a bit of a feast and famine as far as water is concerned. Then we need to sort out our Island Greenhouse that happens every time it rains.

Right now, it seems, the butts are inadequate. Barney isn’t too keen on recycled containers so I’m gonna have to invest some of the exam money in some Nice Butts.

Less than a week to Neil Young Woo Hoooooo

Out of glass – into plastic

2009-06-13T23:42:00.000+01:00

I git the doors temporarily covered this week...

The poor old tired plants are out of captivity under glass. I’ve got the yellowing tomatoes and cucumbers in the tunnel now, along with a couple of very scabby looking grapes courtesy of the telegraph. I’m assured they’ll win through.

The perpetual strawberries have had to go in a big pot holding orbit for now, it’s been so bizzy. There are 10 mini sweetcorn in a wickes 70l compost bag. It’s all experimentation round here. Water melons and pappers next.

Of course next year it will be different. There will be a plan. Maybe.

The Tunnel Has Landed

2009-05-31T22:55:00.004+01:00

I thought it was a bit ironic that the Polytunnel will come into play at the hottest time of the year, but no…it’s a good thing to get the cover on when it’s hot.
This project started on the first May Bank Holiday and since then we’ve been doing bits and pieces in between Day Jobs etc. I had worked out how to use my Aldi spray gun to paint the battens green, using the doors as supports. Barney had managed to get the spare netting a bit of the way round the corners to protect the plastic from foxes. All we needed was a nice hot still day, like yesterday really, but today’s forecast was a bit more interesting.

This morning was perfect. Ellie and Colin were up and about, despite appalling paintball injuries, and Barney had raised the mid-rail a bit for later tensioning and hammered a few nails part way into some battens.(Thank goodness for polytunnel TV). So we got on and we did it.

There was excitement when the cover slid off when we left it to warm up and get stretchy, but they got it back, with only a tiny hole in a OK place. I was terrified that we’d split the polythene – Barney did leave a few wee pointy bits, but I covered them with tape, which seems to have worked. I got on with painting more battens while they pulled and tugged (not on a bit that mattered) and put in nails. Ellie did some really artistic work on the folds round the door (get the channels on the outside, I yelled, bless her). In the end, the cover was as tight as a drum. Then we lowered the bar to tension it. Blimey, if it had been a cool day, the sun may have warmed it and slackened it off sometime in the future. Today’s the hottest of the year so far, so I’m hoping it’ll stay good. It makes a great sound when you ping it, or when a bumble bee flew into it. I hope a pointy beaked bird doesn’t fly our way fooled by the reflections.

There were problems with the side screening, which is not a great design. I think a bit of sticky tape strategically placed will cure it. Fortunately Colin works in a sticky tape company…

All I need to do now is get the doors done. I’ve decided to use the net supplied for the doors to fill in the ends, so I need to find an alternative for the doors.

Somehow we have a lot of spare plastic. I suppose it’s because we have side venting as an extra and the standard kit assumes the whole plastic tunnel with the edges buried model. There was also a spare big lump. I’ve been checking the invoice and have no idea what it’s supposed to be. There’ll be a lot for making mini tunnels and frames for the rest of the garden. At last I can get some plants out of the greenhouse – once I’ve potted them up/bought some growbags.

Progressing with deliberation

2009-05-26T22:30:00.002+01:00

This weekend despite major setbacks on the optimistic football front, the tunnel had a day and a half of hard work from Barney with useful interjections from me along the lines of ‘naah, that’s OK, it doesn’t have to be dismantled again’ or ‘we could try…’ which was met by Looks that said ‘wimmin eh?’ IMHO. Good progress was made, though I had hoped we’d get the Bloody Polythene on to be honest. Meanwhile I potted up more stuff from the greenhouse and squeezed it back in. There’s 30cm sweetcorn in 30 module seed trays in there. The water melons grew 3” the day after I put them in bigger pots. Tomatoes are knitting roots under their 12 module tray. It’s a 4’ x 6’ greenhouse with planting in preparation for a 14’ x 30’ tunnel.

Barney has returned to perusing the Instructions. He would like me to point out the strange flesh and silver coloured reflections on his head that (hoho, of all impossible scenarios) give the impression he may be thinning a bit On Top, or greyer than he thought.

Tomorrow, as any fule kno there is a potential further football setback to my other family members. Though they will probably emerge triumphant, unlike us Toon Roller Coaster Riders.

That’s why I insisted before we started tea we had to get the rail for the middle (between poly and vented side) in place. We did it (actually we did it myyy wayyy, after some grumping and sulking from elsewhere).

I’ve been slyly looking for Grape vines too. Cheap ones, for planting now… have a couple of options, but I’m waiting for the polythene to go up before I order. Black Hamburgh or what? No idea, but my granddad grew grapes in his greenhouse, on the south side of the Tyne (ie North facing), so I know it can be done. My half price Wilko blueberry is showing signs of revival, phew.

The idea is to grow things we like to eat (durr, I know).

Back to work tomorrow. Today was great with a Flag Day for wee girl golfers, all pink and enthusiastic.

Tomorrow the 16 yr old reality next to the Gates of Hell kicks in. But we’ll Get Them Through Gov. Sure we will.

PS 20 million plus what the outgoing players fetch.

Ahoy there Big Chill

2009-05-21T21:41:00.001+01:00

My tickets have arrived…and it’s only 11 weeks away. The tickets are pinned on the wall and I'm showing signs of over anticipation.
I’ve been to the Argos clearance shop and narrowly eascaped buying the folding wheelbarrow for £10. (they’re 20 at Aldi/lidl). Too busy eyeing up a massive tent reduced to £109 from £239, no idea how big it is – just it came in a very big bag that I could hardly move. The Family tents we got earlier will be fine.

I am in pain due to having stitches in my mouth. I went for the biopsy on my inner cheek. The dentist woman said I may need a stitch. I said I would because I bleed. Right again. She said it was going to be a 2mm bit – then as she was doing her skilful scalpel thing I realised that was 2mm deep. It’s not been comfortable, but it’s getting better. They’ve written to my GP – well the dentist’s friend the dermatologist has, so they know I was going to have some patch tests… a fortnight after I found out it was Mercury and Nickel.

Then there’s the underactive thyroid. I just have to keep having tests for that one though. If I could just get an excuse to get medical retirement without the illness dimension I’d be fine. Should’ve been an MP me.

My boss was asking searching questions about my health today. Turns out my mate’s been expressing doubts. Ha! I have a cunning plan about getting the extra pay point then starting to wind down, but I’ve been shopped.

The crop bars arrived too. The 50mm Q clips for fixing the anchoring rod that fastens them on the vented ridge haven't. (hope you appreciate the technical content there). However the nice people - dawn and steven- at first tunnels are going to sort it soon. phew. I have a jungle in the greenhouse looking for new accomodation.

Polytunnel..polytunnel

2009-05-14T23:02:00.001+01:00

It’s been very busy around Home. The polytunnel foundation tubes went up over the bank holiday weekend. (I mostly did cups of tea and extraneous advice, like as long as it’s square and level…). On Tuesday Barney had a day off so he assembled the hoops and put them on. It wasn’t a nice even symmetrical tunnel.

Seems they did their levels off the ground (our lumpy bumpy waterpooling ground). So I went to the Shop of Choice (Clearance Bargains aka The Argos Shop) and got a gadget. It is the star wars of laser levellers. It shines right angled lights. It has pins and rollers for measuring distance.

Anyway after digging up all the poles, which involved Barney and Colin getting up at 6am and toiling from 7, the frame is now up. There was a little collateral vented ridge damage in the dismantling (well in the collapse really), so its symmetry is still not perfect. Here I am, A qualified engineer. What will People Think? I failed to impose my superior knowledge on them. It s not enough to point out that Boys Don’t Listen to Girly Advice. I don’t care as long as I can get some of my windowsills and greenhouse clear of small green things with potential to feed me.

He’d made a door frame which I painted green too. Show willing that’s what I say. We’ve (ahem) fitted the storm braces and the door bar and brace. No crop bars though because Lizzy forgot to order them. So I get no polythene til they’re in place (2 to 3 week delivery – Barney read the labels that say 3 day so he’s a bit puzzled they’re not here yet.)

For this first season we’re going to put ground cover in and grow in containers/grow bags etc until we get a good idea of how we want beds laid out. We’ll probably have raised beds, but I’m considering some planting direct in the soil because it’s clay, so holds moisture well etc.

Meanwhile I haven’t applied for any permissions yet. I’m saying it’s a rainfall management system. Since the Footballer’s Mansion went up next door we get a lot of run off from their carefully crafted landscaping and the sheer area of ground covered by house, paving, driveway etc. So it’s kept dry under tunnel, I harvest rain with my Wickes mini guttering and use to water tunnel (with my submersible pump maybe, or using an advanced capillary/siphon method I’ve yet to devise.). Current challenge is making sure the rail is high enough for the water to run into the 36” butt, or I have to find different containers. That’s why I became an engineer.

NEW IMPROVED RVI!

2009-05-03T22:25:00.004+01:00

I was getting a bit sad because I thought my visits to the RVI in Newcastle were coming to an end. For nearly 4 years now I’ve been monitoring the way they’ve incorporated health promotion strategies into the development work they’re carrying out. The lymphoma clinics are moving to the Freeman, so I’ll be over there getting tested etc.
However…things change, and the Interesting Dentist sent me to a Joint Clinic. That’s joint as in a dentist (not bone junctions or cannabis-related spliffery) and a dermatologist to look at my strange mouth and the psoriasis or lichen planus on my legs/arms/face. I parked in the Exercise Car Park where there’s a new entrance to the main corridor, but no change in the location of the ticket payment machines, so it’s an uphill and downhill trek, unless you parked on level 4 and are disabled. There were signs outside suggesting they’d opened the New Main Entrance (located unusually close to the car park. Has there been a policy change here?). I plucked up courage and followed the signs…

Excellent signage, all the way down, oh I suppose 20 metres of corridor from carpark to main Atrium (architect speak- see I’m that Clued-up). There are stairs, there is glass and there is open space. There is a nice elderly helpful volunteer lady. There is a useful wheelchair at the bottom of the stairs and… just in case you find staircases and escalators a bit daunting and feel an L fit coming on… there was a sign to them too.

The NHVL was quite amused. Anyway I found my way to Yellow Zone Dermatology (left along the corridor, right through two double doors, down one flight of stairs and up the ramp opposite. These signs are soo useful) and now I have some non-allergenic tape strips stuck to my back incorporating 24little pots of Dental-related Substances that I may be allergic to. I must avoid getting my back wet for 5 days until I go back to see Mr Staines (cue Pugwash theme). Meanwhile I know how Pitmen felt. Washing your back weakened it in them days. My back looks like I’m wired in the robotic sense.
What about sweating? I asked.
I think the facial expression said ‘don’t ask’.
We are Ladies.

A Doctor Writes

2009-04-20T21:59:00.004+01:00

Well at least it isn't a phone call this time.

It seems my thyroid's looking a bit inactive. I need to get another test after 6 weeks.

OK by me - explains why I was feeling so tired. I'd been thinking it was All Too Much and planning to reduce my day job hours as well as dumping the examining work for the TLA Board.

Meanwhile I returned to lovely Moorside today to find the new cemetary gates in place. Shame they have disturbing evocations of flames in the Great Fiery Furnace, Road to Hell kind of sense...(IMHO, the Man By The Gate says it's about chrysanthemums (apparently a lot at funerals - hmm I had them for my wedding bouquet) and sunflowers, artichokes etc).

My Printer has Eaten Itself

2009-03-27T17:38:00.000Z

Well to be more accurate, when I took out the USB lead it kind of sat on the paper tray and erm got itself fed into the rollers. I don’t want to apply too much Brute Force because of The Incident with The Missing Pen at work - that knacked the printer in the same kind of way. Shame because it was the printer with the cartridges, sigh. Obviously a shortcoming of HP’s design if I was litigious (got that one past the spellcheck, phew. Though not spellcheck itself which it seems is two words))

I think it’ll be OK to scan a plan though, which is tonight’s task. Plan of garden, plan of next door garden, where house is, off internet… then I can draw where I’m putting the polytunnel and apply for permission.

Barney hasn’t done any U turns this time. He did get a quote for draining the garden properly - £10K. So my puny tunnel which will have gutters and stop water from going on the land, is a mere baguettelle (small female French loaf that looks like, wonder how the spellcheck will cope? Oh, Bagatelle).

Ellie has Found Herself
Not in the psychological/metaphysical sense. She googled her name and found some of the more tricky bits herein. ..including the one where I say ‘good thing she doesn’t read this then’. I feel a Myerson moment coming on. Except I haven’t made a fortune out of recounting her personal foibles nor sent her packing. Yet.

Useful Life Tips

2009-02-26T23:32:00.001Z

Today’s is – don’t join a pub quiz team with a salesman. They just sell you the wrong answers.
Or with me – I get one really spot on by chance and then get credibility.

'(a) Take my breath away' answer to a Buck’s Fizz Lyric
(b) Which president of the USA wore a Nazi Uniform in Public?
Singer anagram of nearly cupid?

Yeah, Reagan and Cyndi Lauper.
Followed by (erm) Oldham capital ASBO city of England and Flintoff plays for Yorkshire.

Maybe I have something against Lancashire.

Great Railway Journeys of the world.

2009-02-18T21:31:00.001Z

I’ve been having another one. Birmingham to Toon – they don’t seem to do non-stop to Coventry any more. First the train was a nice shiny newish one. Then I was in a carriage full of bearers of Good News – and they were keen to share it on their phones.
The guy next to me was very nice, sharing the laptop plug so we could do the workaholic thing, and having a follow up to his Healthy Breakfast of weetabix with skimmed milk – he opted for the tea with a mars bar, a kitkat and two packets of crisps type of snackette. He wasn’t keeping it a secret that he didn’t need to work any more. He’d sold his shares but stayed with the company for a while and then left, went to NE America to relax and is now back on the scene. ‘we’ (Him and I don’t know…) now own a string of venues, a promotions set up, venues, festivals, bands - all of which I’ve heard of/ been to. They’re refurbing one in That London and planning a new venue in Brum, spending millions. He was headhunting a PA/factotum, bloody ell if I were 30 years younger…I was very pleased with Me, because I managed not to reveal my musical passions and beg for tickets in an unseemly manner. On second thoughts, bugger, another chance missed.

Then the guy opposite got on his moby. Yeah, it was fine, better than he’d thought it would be – he would probably not have to go back to gaol…

Stay out of the quiet coach is my advice – Get in the Noisy Coach. All life is there.

Streets of Jesmond

2009-01-31T16:22:00.000Z

Most university students have led sheltered lives in nice houses with supportive families who have paid for their private education. One of the main personal benefits to them of moving away from home is that they have to live on a budget. For most, once they leave the halls of residence, that means living near Real People: doing things like getting buses, shopping at 4pm when prices are reduced and freezing to save fuel costs. Of course this does not apply to Oxbridge, where, if anything, life gets even more privileged.

It doesn’t apply to Jesmond either.
When the metro stops at Jesmond in the morning, it’s a chorus of Yah and Rah as greetings are exchanged. It’s like being teleported into Surrey (with an a). Not a Geordie vowel between them. They have their own Yah Rah recreations – anyone for running along a row of car roofs? Daddy buys a house (with an i) and a group of friends share.

Jesmond used to have Real Students when I were a lass. ‘the landlord said make yourself at home, so I made some trousers out of the curtains’ type of students who could make a pint last 3 hours.

Never mind, I suppose it helps the local economy.

Hospital Car Park Fitness Plan

2009-01-10T11:33:00.001Z

The RVI in Newcastle is forging ahead with its Hospital Car Park Fitness Plan, to compliment the corridor detour fitness plan.

Because of the building work I cleverly park at the side of the car park nearest the road, so I can just walk outside which is shorter than the Detour Plan. This time the ticket machine at that end was broken. We had to follow the red path to the other one by the main corridor – about as far away as possible. It involved negotiating the ramps, including the one near the entrance where the cars turn a blind corner to see you in their path. Stepping over a plastic chain and avoiding the barrier. Lucky we patients are agile, fit etc. then eh?

I got to the ticket machine. I queued. It couldn’t read my ticket. I tried the second one. It couldn’t either. I had to walk back to the kiosk… along the red path avoiding the cars at the barriers, over the plastic chain, passing other people grimly clutching tickets and muttering under their breath. The man was very nice. I had to fill in a form, then he gave me a substitute ticket. Back I went, with a line of others by now, over the chain, avoiding.. and all that.

The machine worked and I paid my money. Luckily I was 5 minutes short of two hours, because I only had the £2.40 and a few brown coins. I walked back to the car, which I’d parked near the entrance, remember? Back along the red path…It was on level 7. I used the stairs – no walking across the car park to the lift for me. I got out OK, but I had to hand the magic ticket to the man on the way out – no idea why.

I reckon I must be well back to fitness by now if I can meet the Car Park Challenge. That is why they don’t need so many physiotherapists in the NHS. Or perhaps it’s to deter football supporters from parking there for the match.

When the doctor phones you at home

2009-01-09T23:33:00.000Z

When the doctor phones you at home you know you’re not going to get much work done for the rest of the day.

I’d been to the surgery the previous evening…
He’d been doing some research…
And he’d talked to the lymphoma team…
Could I get to the ward for 11 am tomorrow for a check and wee biopsy?

I went.
My first consultant saw me eventually (there were a lot of very poorly people in).
She thinks it’s OK, just psoriasis (new one on me, but it’s T cells see? And my lymphoma’s a B cell type). Give it a couple of weeks…
No need for a biopsy.
Then the Prince of Darkness took some blood.

Then I went home.

PHEW.

unplugged

2009-01-04T12:32:00.000Z

We are having a power cut. I blame the Big New Footballer mansion next door - obviously in addition to the massive permanent garden fountain he has switched on his mega home cinema with all 48 surround sound speakers at top vol and has Blown Something.
Boo it means I can’t play practice my art on Rock Band on the wii. It’s been our major preoccupation and workstopper since the young uns bought it for us for Christmas. Needless to say they’re performing like the White stripes while we string some fills together(man) or limp along with Unknown lyrics. I’ve learned some new garbage and Iron maiden lyrics, and found out about my misheard Police ones. I also know Tina’s son was Being Most Unfair giving me ‘gimee shelter’ for my first attempt at guitar while he played the straightforward drum part (AND he has lessons on drums too). Ha! Didn’t put me off though, next we’re going out to get as cheap a Nother guitar as we can (for my birthday maybe)
Oh and I returned to the wii fit ‘it’s been 122 days since you last logged on’. Yeah well I’ve been bizzy honing my rock credentials in preparation for this very break, see? I been learning from Al and Leonard and the ukulele orchestra. Will wii do them next - rock uke tunes?
We’re already planning for when the upgrade to download your own tunes comes in, and the sofware to let me use the drums in garage band, or maybe the wii Fit Rock band where you use the board for 2 drums and the controllers for the rest, or the board for pedal effects on the geetar.
It’s only rock and roll but I like it.
Well it’s either the harmonica or an early night for me. The battery has 5 minutes...

Down and Out in That London – oot and aboot in the Toon’s other ‘alf.

2008-12-17T20:30:00.002Z

It’s always sad to see a familiar face among the binliners of the Streets of London.

I was Being Consulted there last week. It was quite an experience. Nice hotel, good food, punctual flight and train home.

The ukulele orchestra of great Britain were ace at the Sage. From our diametrically opposed lofty perches, we laughed and applauded throughout: very witty repartee between truly genre bending songs. Who could forget a loungey mix of Wuthering Heights in Proper Broad Yorkshire with asides about wearing leotards under school uniform?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NSed1K-QNMc

Here’s another… (wait for about a minute and a half)

That was my multimedia burst for now. Tomorrow I’m dropping me ma at the Argos Sale shop near where I work. Exciting times.

Winter Music

2008-11-30T22:16:00.001Z

It’s been quite a month, late October to late November. We’d been disappointed that the Love/Baby lemonade tour was cancelled but Tina and Me had tickets to see some legends in between so we were determined to make the most of them. Tina has a firm policy that we must see ‘em while we can.. However I don’t extend myself top Kylie as she has, or Take That in Sunderland (double jeopardy) as she intends to.

First there was an unexpected Feeder gig in Nottingham They still GOT A CD PLAYER but didn’t Tumble and Fall (I thought that was Razorlight, but apparently they stumble. It’s tricky these Young Bands) Very good etc, but very, very crowded.

Next up was a journey through the driving snow to Birmingham for the Legendary Reverend Al Green at the NIA. He was absolutely brilliant – he can work a crowd. We were all his chorus ‘oh so you’ve heard that one’. He had a really tight backing band with loose limbed young dancers. Just - wow. Gabrielle opened for him which was another unexpected one – and she was ace too.

Last weekend we braved the chill to go to Birmingham again, NEC this time to see Leonard Cohen. We had a brief stop at the airport for coffee in Wetherspoons where a wee Irish boy had been visiting a model train exhibition and was pulling carriages across the table between his 4 grown up minders’ Magners. (yes, grown Irish men do sit around drinking it, just like in the adverts, unless they were making a new TV campaign of course, featuring us as extras). As their flight was called, the wee boy pulled on his hoody… back to front.

Leonard Cohen hit the stage at 8pm, was brilliant for an hour, took a break then played until after 11. He did have at least 3 attempts to leave the stage (including So Long Marianne and Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye). The band and singers were superb, he was on great form – very dry humour, slick, but not smarmy – a man at peace with himself it seemed. We had wonderful seats – middle block, about 20 rows back. He sang a wide range – the festival set and much more. It’s only been later I recall some I’d have liked to hear. The only thing that took the edge off it was the couple behind who sang along very loud, off key and mostly out of synch. Which was a shame because ole Len has subtly changed some lyrics, adding contemporary nuances which were lost on them. Fortunately they didn’t do French, so part of the partisan was unsullied.

So here I am, rejoicing in the sing along to Al and moaning about the sing along at Len. Some folk you just can’t please. That’s us.

Bring on the ukuleles I say.

The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain

2008-11-14T20:00:00.000Z

The ukulele orchestra of Great Britain are playing at the Sage only 2 days after Barney’s birthday. One of his treasured possessions, in a battered old suitcase that goes with him as we move home, is his ukulele. He once had Formby Aspirations.

There are only 4 tickets left - at best about 10 seats apart. Oh dearie me, I’ve been planning this treat for some time now, but needed to confirm it wasn’t an 8pm working Monday.

Post-pub update:
I had to tell him… bought २ - miles apart। Well maybe he’ll enjoy it better without me next to him grinning…

So, maybe for Christmas he’ll get a surprise. No present, now that would be a real surprise.

It’s been a bit busy and also sad lately. Lovely people dying or going into hospital, my work full of fire-fighting and home very interesting with letters from debt collectors and all.

Never mind. We’re here and we know we are. So let’s go forward.

enoughtodriveyou

2008-10-16T18:13:00.002+01:00

My daughter has a severe alcohol allergy…
And there was me giving her no early-hours of the morning sympathy and telling her she obviously couldn’t count after the first 2। She kept pointing out that all her mates slept well and woke up bright after a night out.

The doctor says it’s all to do with the liver etc. Hmm I’m suspicious of her childhood TB like illness contracted from the swimming pool in the Great Ponteland Middle School Heath Scandal of 1996, but then I always was.

Me mam has the same problem. Dad used to point out that she was a legless designated driver after half of lager while he was better at driving but not within the limits after a few bevies. She realised when she was about the same age that ginger beer was a better tipple for her.

Must skip a generation. Like madness teehee
Though we do have some heavy drinkers in the family – maybe we all have an atypical response to alcohol, just in different ways.

HappySad

2008-10-03T20:43:00.001+01:00

A friend is planning on upping stix and taking to Tenerife for a year – initially. It’s catching.

I’m not a happy bunny today. A lovely woman I know, who had a bone marrow transplant a while back has found out her leukaemia has returned: another was diagnosed with the same thing just after she retired last month. Then there’s the really good trainee teacher whose husband was badly injured just before they moved south for a new life.

All this banks and cyberfinance stuff is just nowt.

Then I was considering my favourite youtube video and decided it had to be either Tim Buckley or Elizabeth Fraser singing ‘song to the siren’. Great song, but Barney notes it’s on the Melancholy Selection album. If I had to do an audition for X factor, it would be my song. Well, if I could sing…

Neither hen is laying. For all I know it’s raining too, and if it isn’t it will very soon.

Boo

However I have something to look forward to – at the Sage. I’m going to hear Tom Waits Project’s Mercy and Grand with Tina and Barney. Not the cancelled Baby Lemonade Tour though.

Transitions

2008-09-26T22:42:00.001+01:00

I went on the New Zealand Website. Apart from question 34 on the medical check (the one about have I had cancer including lymphoma), I only have 80 points and the minimum is 100. Bugger, I’d forgotten about my Life Threatening Illness – was worried about making a personal judgement about health insurance costs. Back at the UK drawing board: I’ve seen some OK Northumberland possibilities, so I’m still planning. Miranda at work says Other People are getting good Lump Sums on retirement…

Barney’s been working in Whitley Bay and he’s bought me a wheeled foot for the sewing machine to do thick leather (I dumbly thought it had to clip on…NO you just unscrew the whole thing as usual). I’ll be an upholstery queen in no time – or perhaps a Hell’s Angels Costumier. I’d love to work in a sewing machine shop.

Meanwhile Els and the Norn Irn contingent are busy redecorating Nick’s old room to make them a sitting room. The furniture has to be suitable for a bedroom in later life though. IKEA has been hit hard. Pity ILVA’s stopped trading: we got some great stuff there. So basically they are decorating the room for us to sell the house. Sounds fine to me.

We’ve paid for the furniture, generously – our house innit? and not their choice , but I’m being astonished by tales of The Youth of Today. Apparently there are State schools around here where passing your driving test means your parents buy you a brand new car. Second hand is just no good. When your parents are going round in a banger? What?? No wonder they get their personal chauffeur to uni then come home to stay again. On Radio 4 today they were discussing whether parents are reinforcing juvenile dependency by spoon feeding their Adult, vote-wielding offspring..

If they’re the new grown ups, I’m with Barney – somewhere in the hills away from obvious roads. Come the revolution we’ll be OK. Though with the imminent collapse of capitalism maybe we’ve missed the boat.

Look up transition towns in google _ How do you get planners to allow you to do the minimal footprint thing??

Up Sticks

2008-09-18T09:38:00.002+01:00

In the last couple of weeks the plans for Later Life seemed to be gelling a bit. One cousin’s already preparing her house for sale – assisted by gardening leave, two others expressed interest and Els and boyf are currently available, though to be fair she’s in the ‘thank God you can choose your friends’ camp.

This is the Plan.
Sell up and buy a place where:
there’s decent land to grow veg and hens at least;
we can afford it with a bit spare for maintenance;
potential to make self-contained accommodation for each couple/group;
decent facilities for oldies/poorlies not too far away;
not near a flood plain;
potential for energy efficiency (eg can be insulated well, have windmill etc); and
(for Barney) not immediately visible from the highway (for the post apocalypse).

It may be there’s a main communal area with little apartments around and somewhere for visitors. Could be an ex holiday letting type place, or hotel, or farm with lots of outbuildings. I thought about contacting the local planning officer and suggesting a sustainable development for the more mature type.

Oh all right then, we’re aging hippies.

On advice from Cuz Joan, I’d been looking at the Black Isle area of Scotland (good soil, climate, healthcare etc), until last week Ellie’s boyf got a call from New Zealand – he’s doing really well out there. Then George’s Sally’s son’s going to NZ for a year. Then my friend Jude out of the blue says she’s going to NZ for a few months. Three days later and Barney’s already got us registered as potential emigrants from Blighty. Yesterday the dentist recommended Manuka honey for my gums ‘It’s from New Zealand’.

In the meantime Els has seen her new contract: it’s going to be a while before she can afford to Up Sticks from here. She’s working on converting Nick’s dark and gloomy Eeyore room into a sitting/hobby room to give her (them) a bit more private space. (Respite from Barney’s helpful but persistent suggestions for their financial status. Pay them to do up the room I say). One room sorted – well, once I decide what to do with the beds.

Scary days at the Toon

2008-09-12T10:04:00.001+01:00

My brother is in fear of his life.
His season ticket seat is in front of Mike Ashley’s.

He’s worried that if he stands up and cheers at the wrong moment he may take a bullet…

Course Closed

2008-09-07T21:31:00.005+01:00

My meeting in Coventry finished early yesterday. I was grateful because I knew there's Engineering Works on the cross country route so it was a bus from derby to Sheffield. The trainline had suggested via Manchester as a way round it, and since it was going to be over 5 hrs either way I thought I'd just go on the first available train.

When I got to Coventry station, the boards only showed North bound trains going to Birmingham. I told the nice man in the booth I was going to Newcastle and was there a Manchester train with a suitable connection. His computer said there was - in 20 mins. I asked whether my Saver ticket would be Ok on that train, he said they were taking any ticket on any train, but printed out the details so I could show the train guard (or income optimisation officer). I asked about the usual virgin trains. He looked up Coventry to Newcastle on the computer.
"It says 'no practicable route' ..."

I'd heard there was some flooding at Darlington so I toyed with the idea of changing to an Edinburgh train at Stafford and going via Carlisle. Good thing I didn't: Carlisle had no trains and no buses by then.
So I was lucky to get home at all.

I got home to tales of devastation. My house was 2" from wet carpets. there was a river along the side and across the driveway. Good thing we spent bank holiday weekend clearing the drains then. The water buds have been pitifully inadequate, but hey, they're full.

Europe's Premier Golf Club has been hit by The Weather.
It isn't often closed, but this weekend there's been an extra degree of challenge.

No bunkers...but plenty of lakes

here's the link to some ace Barney footage (hem)

We only went down to pick some blackberries with me mam. Got loads and have had a nice apple and blackberry sponge. She'll be making Bramble Jelly all week. Yippee

August

2008-09-01T22:11:00.003+01:00

“…August is all that I know,
It’s with me wherever I go
It brings me good weather
It keeps me together
It picks me up when I’m…down”

That’s what Arthur said so it must be true.

We’ve been very busy bees in August, culminating in yesterday’s fitting of two rain butts. Today they’re full and overflowing, which reflects either good timing or hopeless underestimation. So I’m going to get a bigger one tonight. One of the small ones can do the greenhouse – once I’ve figured out how to collect the rain from it. Next – what to do with all the water …too much for me plants, it’ll have to be car washing and lavvies, but then I’ll need a pump. Barney, obviously, wants to purify it and store it in an underground tank. I tried a wee sally at a windmill (not in a Don Quixote way) but he wasn’t impressed. I’m about setting us up for an affordable, environmentally unhostile retirement, he’s more post apocalypse aware. He’s nearly come round to the polytunnel idea too, but he wants a giant one with Proper Foundations and everything. I’m getting on to research. I’ll have to retire to find time to service all this alternative technology, but for now have to work hard to buy the bits.

It may have been the Big Chill Festival we went to early in the month. There were some eco warriors there to impress him as well as the music. Brilliant weekend – even the wasp sting on me bum at the end (Sunday, not the end of the bum) didn’t ruin it for me. And..it didn’t rain, well, not properly anyway. I got rained on quite a lot weeks to follow – mostly on golf courses watching junior girls.

I have also found my bolt hole, which Barney was surprisingly positive about. Hmm There’s a decision looming about should I stay or should I go (to turn a lyric again).

Meanwhile I know a lady who’s very sure the way forward is to share a property – looking out for one another and then hire 24 hr nursing care as and when some or all of the group need it. Actually it sounded fair to me too, like an extension of the extended family care plan, though I know many would rather stay in their own home for the rest of their lives – if they could afford to.

Maybe I should be looking for a hotel to buy, with gardens for self – sufficiency in veg, chickens, honey etc. (Ok we may need to hire help, or, like Nigel in the Archers could run courses where participants learn on the job and do it all for you (Double Digging for Beginners anyone?).
I think I’ll wait and see if I get planning/escape committee permission for my polytunnel. If not we Up Sticks

Back to Nature

2008-07-31T00:04:00.001+01:00

I have started the National Archive of midge bites: the garden ones, Close House, Arcot Hall and Chesters Fort examples are vying for skin space. There are 4 on my forehead alone (never wear a hat on a hot evening). I blame Peter, Barney’s brother for visiting. That’s how we came to be visiting antiquities and having al fresco meals. Peter is from Landon (he says). He sounds like an unexpurgated East Enders cast member. Same as on TV plus a lot of ‘farking’ etc (I draw a veil).

I should be happy – midges haven’t bothered me since my chemotherapy started, around 3 years ago. At first I thought it was because I had Deadly Poison coursing through my veins, then maybe that my immune system wasn’t inflaming them. My New Theory is that I must be back to normal at last – the same old ginger (sensitive soul). My gums are sore again, which used to happen BC too. I have another tell tale symptom of getting properly back to normal: I’m getting fatter – I reckon 10 lbs since November – scary. So it’s a new fitness plan for me – soon…when I get back from The Big Chill (another BC).

We set out tomorrow. I’ve been repairing the tent, we’ve tested the inflatable mattresses and got some nifty forehead torches (well that was before I had my built in luminescent bites). Drive to Nottingham, pick up Tina and we’re off (yes that’s Tina I-don’t-do-tents who made us stay in a hotel at Canterbury. I’m not complaining, that’s how I came to have breakfast watching Arthur Lee eat his). She reckons Leonard Cohen’s worth a bit of tent life, and I must agree or I wouldn’t be joining her in this adventure. Actually The Guardian says it’s an arty festival so we’ll be getting a bit of culture too.
I wonder what the midges are like.

This is Peter ('Stone the Effing crows') David.

Wot Fettle? – It’s the Geordie Hello Magazine

2008-07-30T23:45:00.003+01:00

Last Saturday it was ladies day at the races and in the evening, several of them fell into the Diamond. Oh my, they were well-turned out. Groomed even. I was very impressed: they lit up my evening.

A lot were wearing those fireworky feathery fascinator things on one side of their heads, and they had frocks, and shoes, and bags that matched. Oh my, they were brilliant. I told them so in the loo.

I wondered where they got the outfits. Did they see them in a magazine? Are there special shops like bride shops? Does Fenwick’s have a race department? How did they know they’d look good in them when they’re not like their everyday gear?

The crack was good in the ladies too:
‘well she won hundreds’
‘money goes to money’
‘I got nowt’
‘aye, me neither’
‘and I know most of the horses porsonally’

That’s what gave me the idea. I took some rough photos on my phone.
I’m going to start the Geordie social mag. It will be called ‘wot fettle?’ in homage to another publication. Or perhaps not. It will mostly be based around the Diamond, because I don’t get out much, though I could have roving reporters, or whatever the Geordie is for paparazzi (I’m working on it, suggestions welcomed).
The sample shown is not a reflection of the intended quality – unless that’s as good as it gets of course.

Flying High

2008-07-16T09:34:00.000+01:00

I’ve flown to meetings recently. Southampton last week and Birmingham this week. They’re just small aircraft which is amazing because they fly low and when it’s clear it’s like being on Google Earth, only better.

The world is such a beautiful place. I just love seeing it from above, and reflecting on all that’s going on down there. I have so many questions. There are clearings in the heather. Why? Why do so many wind farms have only one or two rotating? What was it like before the reservoirs? Is it a flood or a treatment plant? Who lives in those enormous houses with acres of land?

Of course It could be argued that flying is contributing to the destruction of the beautiful world. I want to see some sums costing out 25 individual business trips from Newcastle to Birmingham compared with the flight in terms of resources used and emissions.

There’s also the Big Reflection brought on from being Up There about mortality and all. If I fell from a great height… my thought was that I’d spend the time falling realising I knew what it was like, but then also that I couldn’t share it with anyone. The statistics do nothing for me. I’m not bothered whether I stand more chance of being mown down by a rogue elephant than drowning in a puddle. After all, the chances of getting Lymphoma are pretty remote for the average type person I used to be, and what’s the point of knowing the survival/recovery rates when you’re an individual and the numbers don’t affect you at all, well, except for insurance purposes. I can only get travel insurance that doesn’t include pre-existing conditions, so I reckon they could wriggle out of almost anything on the grounds of chemo affecting all sorts of bits and pieces (I signed the consent forms and the lists were pretty long).

A lot of change

2008-07-11T22:46:00.000+01:00

There have been some things happening round here. I’m not sure whether they’re more than the sum of their parts. It could be that the whole world is entering a period of change. Probably not, because it would have to be revolving round me and I’m a bit past that phase now (stop coughing at the back).

There is Another Woman in Barney’s life. She is Zelda, but she’s also virtual and lives in the wii.

First excel started not responding, and task manager wouldn’t get me out of it, so I shut down. Since then the pen drive has been snubbing me. Both laptops and the mac have failed to coax anything out of it. Hell it’s not new, it was free and it’s only 16Mb.

I flew to Southampton and back – great airport for wireless access. Cloud and plug holes. What more could an old laptop of little remaining battery capacity need when a flight’s delayed. There were watercress pickers on the bus in Winchester that looked like characters from the Borrowers in an almost ordinary folk but a bit Romantic way. Straw hats, frocks and wellies. Flowery shirts and moustaches. Dungarees and bare arms. Of course they may have been a convention of Dexies Midnight Runners afficionados.

I probably cut an implausible figure myself with my pink anorak, sandals in the puddles, black and white floral Matalan bag and elaborate pocket arrangements to ensure I could get all I need for 3 days into the aircraft with me.

The hens stopped laying. Well, they stopped laying in the custom made bijou hen house. I found their soft and fluffy nest under a bush though.

We have bought tickets for a Festival with tents – just so we can hear Leonard Cohen. It was Tina I-don’t-do-tents’s idea too. Luckily we have tent-owning and in my case air mattress owning children.

I have discovered that a Lot of Women, not just ones like me who’ve had nasty infections with their chemo, have problems with their Nethers. I had several conversations, boosted by a bit of red wine, with such Women last week. Then the Guardian today carried an article which laid the blame with childbirth confirming that there’s a lot of it about. Ha blame the kids I say.

I haven’t read my leaflet yet, and certainly haven’t been on the special website, but there’s time (I hope, though they do say they’re running out of funds). They do factsheets such as:
The confused person at home
Controlling wind and smells
Not to mention the one about penile sheaths…

Whatever Next?

Julie Felix 70th Birthday

2008-06-18T20:54:00.003+01:00

We went to see Julie Felix on her 70th birthday at the Sage. It was an unexpected delight - the first half was like a trip through some of my favourite albums of old...Tim Buckley's Morning Glory, Dory Previn's Lady with the Braid, Phil Ochs' Flower Lady. Just too good to miss - and I would have if Tina hadn't made a visit.

She looks very young that Julie Felix: about 45 max, and we were in the 4th row, and there was good light. We did a lot of singing along, which is always uplifting (and at our ages etc etc..).

Half Woman, Half Lobster

2008-06-07T18:57:00.002+01:00

That's me.

Well it was a bit dull first thing today... then it got warm and I took some jumpers off. Then I didn't put any cream on.

I'm hoping it will tone down and be a golfer's tan.

Alex was out golfing today too. She's had a bone marrow transplant so needs to be careful about the rays, but she was sensible with a long sleeved cotton shirt, a hat and shades. she seems to be fine - possible doing too much, but you couldn't tell me that when I was poorly either.

It's great to be outside and playing rubbish golf.

Sweet Little Lies

2008-05-29T16:52:00.000+01:00

There’s a line from a song in my head:
‘I’ve been lied to. I’ve lied too... and I’m fuzzy’.

I was wrong, having found the lyrics on google, but at the time what that line seemed to mean is something like this.

When you tell a lie, you’re denying part of your own truth, and other people believe in you less. So you become a little bit less of a real person: who you’re being or presenting to the world is less of the real true you. So… the more you lie, the more you lose of your self belief, so the less real you become…until in the end you’re transparent…and once you’re transparent there’s no point in lying anyway.

Another lyric:
When I was invisible, I needed no light. You saw right through me, you said. Was I out of sight? – Arthur Lee

The original one’s called Fuzzy by Grant Lee Buffalo.

Leeds uncovered

2008-05-21T17:20:00.000+01:00

Barney’s pal The Chef has been to Leeds on a company jolly. They ate well, they drank well. He can remember the first ten pints, and he managed to get himself back to his hotel and into bed. So far so good.

At 3 in the morning, like anyone who’s had more than a few bevies, he got up for a wee in the en suite. He closed the door and found himself in the hotel corridor wearing just two things: both were socks. He could hear a TV so he found the room where the sound was coming from and knocked on the door a few times. When a man in a towel opened the door he started
“This isn’t what it looks like”
Bang. Slammed door.

So he decided to go down in the lift. The lift lined with mirrors that is. Luckily there were two porters waiting for it at the bottom, so he didn’t have to venture into the glass walled lobby in Leeds city centre.
“Happens all the time” they said reassuringly. I reckon they’d been watching the tale unfold on CCTV. His ‘mates’ are willing to pay good money for the footage…

The Great Escape

2008-05-20T16:01:00.002+01:00

On the way to get my hair cut, I saw the postie. I muttered to myself about how late they’re getting – 2.30, ridiculous. I don’t get first class til after work these days, so if anyone wants a quick reply – well they use email anyway.

Mick the painter’s doing the outside bits of our house. It’s just as well because when I got home I heard the Whole Story.

The neighbours have had new security gates installed. It’s remote controlled and everything. They have put an outside post box on the gate post, so that should save the postie from the long trek up their drive and speed up the delivery process a bit. In theory. The trouble is he hadn’t noticed, so that’s how when he was putting their post through the letterbox on the front door, they swept round the driveway out of the gates and locked them.

Some while later, Mick and Barney heard plaintive cries from over the hedge. The postie and his bike were securely banged up in next door’s garden. Barney gave some advice concerning the gap in the hedge the kids used to go through about 15 years ago, so Postie and Bike go up the garden to find it’s been barbed wired up (woman next door afraid of cats and wary of escaped hens). Then Mick and his ladders came to the rescue. The hedge is high, so he had to pass a ladder over and put another on our side, then the bike was hoisted over followed by the panting postman.

Half an hour later there was a knock on the door. Nigel the pro from across the road wanted to check that the suspicious looking characters scaling the hedge weren’t Real Criminals. They were helpless with laughter when I got home. Their only regret is that they didn’t think to get out their mobiles to capture the moment when the postie’s bum crested the hedge on the way over.

It's all become clear to me. The recent obsession with security is getting in the way of Important Communications. SO if your mail's a bit late - consider the postman and the trials he may have been through to get the Royal Mail to you.

KP - Nuts

2008-05-15T15:12:00.000+01:00

Constructive Dismissal Looms

Here’s how it goes. You take a poorly paid job because it does offer commission and has prospects. It’s a customer facing role too, with negotiating – important experience. You know the market is poor, but understand the important thing is maintaining presence in the market place, so you’re not unduly worried.

It’s only 3.5 days a week, but you can manage on the minimum wage because you live nearby. Some of the terms and conditions of employment are a bit strange: they can ask you to work in other branches, but do pay mileage; they train you in the law and other aspects of estate agency, as any employer would, but they ‘may ask for repayment’ of hundreds of pounds if you leave within 6 months.

Then you get the phone call. From tomorrow you’ve to work from their call centre – it’s 9 miles away. There will be no mileage, it costs around £2/hr to park (so that’s 10 hrs a day). The metro’s a bit better – under £4 a day including parking.

If you’d wanted a job in a call centre you’d have got one – and been paid a lot more.

Rock and Hard Place, or as they say in the trade: Constructive Dismissal.

Travelling Pants

2008-05-01T20:57:00.000+01:00

It’s Leeds station. The one where they always make you show your ticket. Mine’s In A Safe Place (possibly the bottom of my bag. Who knows?)

“Knickers” I say showing admirable restraint. Amanda is unimpressed, she tells me showing my knickers isn’t going to get me past the barrier.

“Ah” I sigh “gone are the days when I could travel the length and breadth of the country on a single flash of my M&S’ best”

I go meekly to my meeting, reflecting on what might have been.

Hurtling about

2008-04-26T18:01:00.002+01:00

Phew I’m back. I’ve been hurtling around fast roads a bit lately. Mostly to do with Junior Golf and Pressures of Work.

Today was a day trip to Milton Keynes for a meeting. It was a 10 o clock start and I don’t do Friday Night driving… or FN trains. No weekend flights to Brum tho’, or Luton ever and no links to Stansted. Seems the way to get to MK from Newcastle is the train via London. So I decided to drive this morning. The AA said 4 hrs and 15 mins, so I was chancing it a bit setting out at 5.45, and there were roadworks. Then I forgot to turn off on the A1M and ended up hurtling down the M1 instead. I blame the iPod, again. This time it did things like playing the Byrds the Teenage Fanclub, just in case I hadn’t noticed. Then we had Al Green mending a broken heart, Nilsson’s Without You and Neil Young’s Only Love Can Break Your Heart. (Not Random, she shuddered).

The roads were quiet. I got there at 9.04. (hm 250 miles… don’t suppose I’ll have a licence next month with all them cameras. I’m a cautious driver me, but it was very quiet and dry surfaces (officer)). I must have been hurtling then. Funny, I now know the musical signs: when I’m driving too fast I’m generally singing Interstellar Overdrive “dum dum deedee dum, dum dum dee dee dum DUM ..etc”

We didn’t lose the football, I still have some mini Pringles and a banana from my packed tea. What more could a girl want? Well I’m not going to the Italian Night tonight

Traces of Nuts

2008-03-31T07:19:00.000+01:00

I’m on a train, or should that be I’M ON A TRAIN. It’s one of those expensive ticketed ones that gets into London before 10am. I was going to fly – tickets even for BA were pretty cheap for today – but I decided I may get home quicker by train. So, I’ve escaped the terminal 5 challenge.

What with the clocks recently changed and all I didn’t quite make breakfast. The Nazi Trolley Service arrived and I got a cup of tea, and a wee box of nuts for breakfast. (Muffins, fruit cake or cheese sandwich? Er, no). These are not just nuts, they are Twinings Luxury Mixed Unsalted Nuts. Most of them are red peanuts, as sold for bird feeders, though there are 4 raisins in the 100gms. I checked the pack for an ingredient list. There was none – is that legal? There was also some very useful consumer advice: ‘may contain traces of nuts’. So what are the lumpy red birdfeeder things then?

My brother has some sleeping tablets warning him they may cause drowsiness.

Hammered

2008-03-28T18:40:00.001Z

I’ve been to a property auction. It wasn’t a brave, high risk act because I didn’t get a paddle in case I got carried away and made an unwise offer. There were a lot of people there – including families. I wondered if they were selling and watching the interest, or maybe like me they’d liked the look of a couple of places and wondered how much they’d fetch.

It started with the ones where you have to pay 10% and complete within 28 days – not many of them seemed to go. Maybe money is getting much tighter. The ones where you only have to exchange contracts within four weeks.seemed to do better. I’m trying to get my head around it all before I make a serious move …My mate has been hankering after a wee bolthole somewhere and I seem to have caught the bug, though I’d be happy to let mine to tourists in between.

Meanwhile, I’m a bit worried that our place won’t be worth much when we get round to selling it so we won’t be able to do Barney’s dream self sufficiency thing. I was encouraged by the Cumbrian couple on Grand Designs though. Theirs seems to have worked well.

I feel a bit sorry for the Massive Mansion Builders. Will they ever recoup their investment? Our local edifice is almost complete since a truly instant garden was installed last week. One day there was a lot of peaty stuff raked all over the rolling acres. Next day a pantechnicon full of turf arrived, then low loaders stacked to the gunwhales with Attractive Shrubs and such. I stood amazed.

Lots of little triumphs

2008-03-19T09:45:00.001Z

It’s been a good morning and it’s not even 10 o clock yet.

I’ve been to the RVI, taking the outside route to avoid the compulsory fitness trail indoors.

My blood is normal. The Prof says so, so it must be true. He also says I look very well and he doesn’t want me back for 6 months. Yippee.

I got in and out of the RVI car park in under an hour.

And… my tyre’s been plugged so it can go back on the car tonight.

May be I should reconsider my earlier decision to abandon my plans for World domination. Maybe not.

Surprise evening out

2008-03-17T18:32:00.002Z

Sometimes you get a surprise evening out. There’s a telephone call out of the blue and you just have to get ready and go to the rendezvous.

The call came – bit of a burst tyre on the way to Gubeon. Actually it turns out it was nearly at Gubeon. He couldn’t get the tyre off with the tools supplied. My instructions? Get the torque wrench and a socket set.. I also found one of those luminous roadmender jackets and a lamp/tyre inflator thing, so I was pretty pleased with myself – thanking my engineering background etc.

I got there. It was on the verge. There were brambles and rose bushes scraping my own tyres. The socket set wasn’t the right one – he couldn’t make-shify anything. We tried jumping on the wrench.. no budging there. A friendly farm type guy (probably one of them Morpeth Young farmers) stopped to offer his assistance. He tried jumping on the wrench too. Still nee budging “and aam nineteen stone me”.

I took him home to get better tools. The Right Socket set was on a shelf and he had to climb on top of the lawnmower to reach it – I was glad I hadn’t seen it earlier - might have set me neck. Anyway the tyre was replaced.

Next night we were in the Diamond. So was he going to get a new tyre?
Well you know how it is with cars. You lose your faith in them when they let you down and Clifton George asked why change the tyre when you can change the car?

So Barney now swans around in a nice A6 (like what I used to have when he was in his yellow Merc mode).

Meanwhile my slow puncture continues and I just keep on inflating it until I get time to get it sorted.

Diamond Star Bar

2008-03-08T17:01:00.003Z

The Diamond in Ponteland is getting more like that bar in Star Wars every day. The variety of people in there on an evening is immense.

Yesterday in the carpet end there was a Transformer, a proper Tangoed Orange lady, one in lycra animal print leggings and a tiny twinkly top, a man in a Proper bow tie and tux and a woman in a red ballgown. That was before all the Guinness kit came out in preparation for St Patrick’s day… I didn’t dare look in the old lino end (now the reclaimed wood end since we went upmarket).

Diamond Star Bar

2008-03-08T17:01:00.001Z

Tired and Emotional Finance

2008-03-06T17:24:00.000Z

The world of High Finance is interesting, as a friend of my son is finding out since she joined a minor player. This new trainee has been out to learn more about the business from Head Office, and also from working in different Branches. Last week she was sent to help out at a local office that was short-staffed. People keep leaving.

When she arrived at the staff door there was no sign of life, so she went round and in through the customers’ entrance. A woman came out of the back
‘Who are you?’
‘I’ve been sent to help out, where should I sit?’
‘I don’t care’ said the woman, ‘I wasn’t expecting anyone. Sit where you like’.
She had no tasks planned for the trainee who logged onto the network and answered her email. Abruptly, the woman stood up, announced she was going to be sick and left.

She was sick several more times: apparently she’d had a bad pint, or Chinese. Eventually she settled, head in hands and fell asleep, snoring gently. She did an excellent job of becoming alert the second time a visiting customer spoke, but was curt with the trainee who suggested she saw a doctor and offered to hold the fort. In the end she called the surgery to make an appointment. She then went to her car and returned with a litre of restorative tonic water. Probably.

Fearing this was some type of initiative test with an accomplished actress, the trainee did a bit of light work then quietly emailed her Boss explaining she wasn’t doing much constructive. The boss needed an extra pair of hands at the home base, so there was an escape plan.

So what’s to make of all this?
No idea
But it continues to be a funny old world.

Mothers Day treats

2008-03-02T19:21:00.002Z

Last week had a missed call from my son. I also had a missed visit, as I found out when I called him. He was almost back in Falkirk, but had been working in Newcastle, so he’d dropped in on the way.
“I left some cheese in the fridge for you, for mother’s day”. That’s mah boy.
It was very nice – Aran cheddar with stem ginger. Better than a lot of the options I’ve seen around.

Me? Well I played golf with my mam and … bought her cappuccino.
Back to my glass house, and I'll try not to throw any more stones.

Meanwhile there's been Murder and cannabalism in the fish tank. I'll be setting up a live webcam to spot the culprit, maybe with online betting. Three neon tetras and a big white fish have gone. My money's on the smug catfish, but there is a wee shark in there, and a plec and two glassfish.

Farmers and Hoes

2008-02-23T19:56:00.003Z

Farmers and Hoes, as described below.

Well, not that young ......

Thanks to Ms Whale's facebook

Just a tiny wee plea

2008-02-23T19:45:00.001Z

please can the Toon just get as many goals as the Opposition soon...or a couple more would be great.

Farmers and Hoes

2008-02-15T17:37:00.000Z

New Girls’ Night Out game: get your photo taken with a young farmer.

It starts in a Northumberland market town.
The girls have to be dressed in top Bigg Market-on-a-weekend kit.
The farmer has to be genuine.
Last one buys the round.

How to tell he’s a real farmer? Appearances can be deceptive, some turn out to be mere gardeners or shepherds (ha! or more distant relatives of ex footy characters)

Real farmers have photos of their tractors on their mobile phones. Honest.
That’s what the girls found out last week.

I was hoping to have some photographic evidence but facebook hasn’t any yet..maybe they haven’t sobered up enough.

Cultural heritage

2008-02-15T17:17:00.001Z

Last weekend was brightened by a visit from Tina, taking advantage of good rail deals. We had an activity packed Saturday – went to the Falklands (OK the Falcons) for Match Tickets for Star wars Day versus Leicester, then on to Alnwick to check out property for sale (it’s a pipe dream) and buy up loads of cheap veggies. Later we went to the Sage to see The Selkie, Valerie Laws’ play with music from the Keelers and Katie Doherty. It was brilliant. Lots of Very True little pieces of perception and subtle links worked together. My mum was very impressed at how well the story was told and how the set worked. She also enjoyed the soup and the beautiful building, though when Chris picked up on her enthusiasm she was quick to point out she couldn’t be doing it every week.

Tina went to school with Valerie so it was extra interesting. When we look back, we did quite a lot of Culture in them days, partly related to the Northern Arts Scheme which gave young people discounts across the full range of local events, and partly to The Drama (NEYT). Don’t suppose many people who spent their youth immersed in T’Arts end up as Engineers and Financial Whizzes, but in Them Days we didn’t know the rules.

More travels or What They Don’t Tell you about Barium Meals etc

2008-02-06T17:36:00.001Z

I’ve been getting examined a couple of times at local hospitals in the last couple of weeks. The first one was at Sunderland Royal. I memorised a map off t’internet. It seemed pretty straightforward to me, having travelled daily to Peterlee for 2 years and being a woman about Durham and all. Straight on at a number of roundabouts then left at the South Shields sign. (it was one of those maps with pictures of roadsigns on it).

When the signs started saying ‘docks’ I thought perhaps I’d gone a wee bit wrong. Still no Tom Tom so I rang Amanda from work who lives in Sunderland0. I was miles away but she guided me street by street, via bingo halls and BandQ back over the bridge and hey I found it in all its Niall Quinn ness. Parked behingd the GUM bit (larvelly, but there were spaces) and managed to undergo the barium meal and the Other Thing just fine.

What They Don’t Tell you about Barium Meals etc. is… blimey the ‘resulting’ mush is impossible to flush away. Oh the fun I had next day in other folks’ loos desperately trying to get rid of evidence. It probably glows in the dark for all I know, but it’s certainly an odd porridgey colour. Solution: (should you ever need it) Get a big bucket of water and fling it down there – did the trick for me, more than once. Phew.

After that the RVI for getting a dodgy bit twisted off me nethers was nee botha at aal.
Anyway the best bit is I’m fine. Phew again.

Thank goodness for Shrove Tuesday – we had a lot of eggs to make a lot of pancakes. Yum.

It’s my brother calls it Sunderland0 - from the football results pages he says.

Travels with my iPod

2008-01-23T22:14:00.001Z

My ‘new’ car has a built in i-pod connection hidden in a little compartment, so I’ve had my own music all the way from Newcastle to Coventry – and a very interesting journey it was too.

It isn’t a clever ipod thing – it pretends it’s got a multi CD player, so rather than playlists there’s 6 CDs and it doesn’t display the song title or artist. For that I have to open the cubby hole, pick up the ipod and juggle me specs to read them (all while hurtling along the A1 at speed, really safe).

What impresses me most is the way that when it’s on shuffle it seems to put together a themed selection. Today we had a sort of folk rocky country thing, mostly underpinned by the Byrds and Crosby Stills and Nash, but there were Bryan Maclean and Mike Randle, a bit of T Rex and Texas and some Creedence. They have a lot to answer for in the Rock Canon, that Credence Clearwater Revival, I hadn’t realised how many of the Rock Anthems sound a whole lot like them. We had some good little patches my ipod and I. ‘Travelling Band’ followed ‘So you Wanna be a Rock ‘n’ Roll Star’, then next there was ‘Metal Guru’.

The song I really had to sing along to very loudly was Double Barrel by Dave and Ansell Collins (approximately):
“ I am the magnificent” plinky piano.

I played it again and sang even louder. Then I noticed a diner I’d never seen before. Oh well, missed the M18. So when I got to some roadworks I thought I’d go off towards Nottingham/Leicester and hope to hit the M1 eventually. I don’t have a TomTom, or even a road map in the car (well, I’d have to stop and open the boot). I do have a street map of Coventry because I get lost there a lot, and A-Z of Durham.. but Big Boys’ Guide to The Major Routes of England? Er..no.

It was a Roman Road through Sherwood Forest, in the rain surrounded by dense Blair Witchy trees. I phoned Tina, she knows the area. That’s another great thing about the car: built in Nokia kit. She had to go to her car for a map, but called back to confirm I was on the right track. Phew. So I got through the pouring rain on the M1 briefly then off on the M69 to Coventry. Result. From the state of the M1, I was probably better off on the quieter cross country route. It took no longer than the usual wet Sunday night time.

A friend in need, indeed.

WAHoo

2008-01-19T18:10:00.000Z

Kevin Keegan’s first match as manager and the first song played at half time was Alone Again Or by Love. Last time I heard that one was when I went to see us playFulham and it was my birthday 4 years ago. Yippee.

The mariachi horns ringing out behind my radio Newcastle commentary made my tears well up.

Football Fowl

2008-01-17T17:58:00.001Z

We’ve had no eggs from either hen since mid-December. Pepper started laying again as soon as she knew Grumpy Sam Allardyce was on his bike. Well, this morning there was a nice warm egg from Blubell too – obviously she’s impressed by Special K’s return. That’s how it is round here – buzz in the air. Last time around, I was working in Ponteland High School, and the deputy head announced on the tannoy that KK was returning as manager.

My mam’s KK story is about the day she came in from a round of golf at Royal Arcot and saw him in the lounge with a group of footie types.
“you can’t fool me” she told him in the manner of 70 yr old women round here “ I know who you are”. He smiled and said.
“Yes, I know – Cliff Richard”

Maybe he’ll buy that massive house they’re building at the bottom of the garden. Now that would be good. I may even cancel the polytunnel plan.

Making Music

2008-01-11T18:52:00.001Z

My good friend Tina got a guitar for her birthday and she's been having Proper Lessons. So it's my birthday and I was wondering what instrument to take up to accompany her.

I've decided bongos then we can be a Tyrannosaurus Rex tribute band. I have a name: Old Rex

The weather has a lot to answer for.

2008-01-10T10:57:00.000Z

That Mr Allardyce in the rain for one thing. He couldn’t have looked upbeat and confident in the deluge at Stoke. The fans were wet and miserable. I reckon it contributed to his downfall. The snow last week was lovely while I was indoors, but then I went to the doctors (clearly for the thrill of sliding round the streets in a ton of metal and plastic). It also interfered with The Big Project.

Still notching up new experiences…I’ve been a camera operator directed by Els – making a one minute film for the Orange BAFTA competition. She’s also the main character in the story, so it’s been quite funny. She’ll suddenly turn round to see what the image looks like in the viewfinder, or want the camera over her shoulder really close (to frame the shot – see I’m getting the lingo). She didn’t do that storyboard stuff, it is only a minute long, but hell, she had a vision. We started filming, sorry shooting footage, with her and the cat starring and me dragging the tripod round.

The snow fell on our Last Shooting Day. For continuity Els needed all the outdoor stuff done in snow. Then we realised a lot of the other footage had a sunny window in view. So we had to do all those scenes as well. We spent about 2 hours in the freezing cold getting about 20 minutes on DV. To be fair, she had to construct a model cat from a pair of gloves, and sweep the snow between takes….There was a bit of directorial temperament going on.

I did some editing under strict supervision and submitted the film at midnight the day before the deadline. Next afternoon Ellie’s email said they’d rejected it. She’d gone to That London to see the Spice Girls. I had 2 hours to the deadline. Hmm. I had no idea what to do, so I cut the length a bit, removed some potential Cruelty to Cats and attributed the music more clearly (we did it ourselves in Garage Band). Hey Hey - it’s now on the competition website. (There are some really good local entries on there – worth a look). I’m so glad we made it. Little achievements just keep me going. So, boosted by that success, I’m now going to return to work full time – if they’ll have me.

Maybe grumpy faced Sam should try a bit of creative work at the other end of the camera. I can put him in touch with a grumpy- faced director.

Scams on the road.

2007-12-18T17:25:00.000Z

“I stopped at traffic lights in Sunderland behind a red car. The lights changed and the red car shot backwards into mine – I hadn’t even released my hand brake. A distressed woman got out to check the damage and immediately burst into tears. “sorry” she said, “I’m so sorry” There wasn’t a lot of visible damage to my car, we agreed it was all her fault and I told her not to worry, but we’d exchange details anyway, upholding the law and all.. Two hours later there’s a call on my mobile from her insurance company about how I drove into her.” What? So should we always take photos? Get them to give us a written statement of fault? Video their apologies? There aren’t many witnesses when the lights have changed.

Three years ago my mate’s old man was stopped at a T junction when a car turned right from the main road clipping his wing and tearing a number plate off. The following week he got papers from his insurance company to sign agreeing to pay for the other driver to have a private scan in hospital for whiplash injuries to himself and his passenger. Despite the fact that he took photos on the scene showing the damage – hardly consistent with such injuries, he’s still getting letters from the other driver’s insurance company demanding thousands of pounds. All he did was stop at a junction.
I want to know are these scams? Are there people who drive round looking for likely targets – young person, high cost of insurance, maybe uninsured quite likely to pay cash to avoid the law or loss of no-claims? Especially just before Christmas

names and stuff have been changed to anonymise - terrified they do recriminations as well.

New Wheels

2007-12-14T18:21:00.001Z

I got a new car yesterday – present for me on Barney’s birthday..

It has the same engine and gearbox as the old one, but it’s a Jetta rather than an A3, so it has room for the golf clubs – and the back seat folds down and it has a 6 CD changer. All the things I miss about the A6 really. There are some new things too. Like a Nokia built in kit which shows up on the radio screen, and a little mini connector which may be satnav related but since I don’t have one I may never know.

I couldn’t remember what colour it was when I went to pick it up (hmm there go my girly credentials), but it’s silver, a bit lighter than the Audi. It has loads of miles on it, but since I’m not doing lots that’s probably OK.

It’s also longer than the audi – so Barney’s had to take the grassbox off the lawn mower to fit it in the garage. But he had a good birthday really.

Train Mates

2007-12-10T22:09:00.000Z

Maybe it’s to do with getting older and having been there more and done that more, but there always seem to be common threads when I meet new people. Last week it was Alison on the cross country train.

At first I was worried about keeping her from her magazine, but she was good company all the way to Leeds where I left. I really wish her all the good luck possible. She’s in need of some, and sounds like she deserves it too. She’s a really lovely late twenties lass: slight and wide-eyed, but very brave. She reduced her working week to 4 days so that she can do a degree course. It’s hard work, but she’s more than halfway through it now. We talked about careers and finding employers and stuff. We went on to Social Work, which she’d like to get into. I spoke of my cousin was a bit wild in his youth but now is a pillar of a children’s home. It seems her bro who has made a successful life despite having ADHD (probably, looking back).

Then, when we got to York, I mentioned Els finishing her degree, and how I’d sighed to think we wouldn’t have an excuse to go to York any more. Alison loved York too, she’d been there quite a lot recently, but probably wouldn’t be going again for a while. It seems that in August when she took up with a New Man. He lives almost in Wales and they’ve met in York a few times lately…but. There’s always a but.

Last week she got a message from him on her mobile that wasn’t intended for her. It was meant for The Other Alison who’s his Ex who abandoned him last Winter to go abroad. Oh dear, TOA’s coming back tomorrow

I tried, Oh I tried. Drawing on years of experience with Els, I tried the one about concentrating on the final year of Uni without distractions. I tried the one about well, she can have the memories. I tried 'don't have him straight back without a bit of effort'. I tried the one about maybe he just wanted to get TOA out of his system before committing to a new woman. (and I did speak of That Awful sleeper arounder from Els very private life). But that’s not how the text message came over. She knows how it feels to be left when the love’s still there and won’t go away she says, so she’ll understand.

When they met she was out with friends, but not very cheery. He made all the running, and eventually won her attention. Is that what Men do then? Go for the challenge? His name is Daffyd and he golfs for a living. He was in Morpeth recently. That’ll be the same Daffyd who stayed at the Diamond and impressed El’s mate Steph then. Hmm

She’s going to wait and see: fragile lovely Alison. On the train as it goes on its own timetable.

Party People

2007-12-02T20:07:00.000Z

It’s been a bit of a party month, November. After putting off two 50th s a kitchen warming and all sorts, we had a do for 30 years wed. It was very late in the planning, but the best thing was that people arrived and did stuff (possibly as a consequence of the LTM, but mostly because they’re such great friends and family). We had Tina’s old man Keith making curries at 10am on the morning, Anne brought silly quantities of food (well, not that silly: it all went), and everyone made their own beds, hoovered cooked and tidied. That was the best bit: the camaraderie.

The other guests were wonderful too. Great to see the cousins (bar one, of course, some missed the cabaret that is that cuz), and the schoolfriends and barney’s golf buds (as we hip and cool facebook types say).

Then 2 weeks later, on the way home from a riveting meeting at Coventry, I was off to a do at Tina’s. We picked Barney up at Newark, so it was both of us. Tina and Keith know how to do a party, they’ve had a lot of practice. Nice to catch up with their friends – mostly met at her 50th. In the morning we went for a stroll in west Bridgford which is being re-paved and prettied up, unlike home where they continue to replace homes with mahusive mansions.

Yesterday Els was at a rugby match watching Young Neil be man of the match, then it was out with the team and on to meet the boyf. I got a phone call at 3pm. ‘guess what?’, pause while my mind raced ‘I’m drunk…. Can you get my car from the rugby place later?’ Would’ve been possible if she didn’t have the keys with her…

This morning 8am, she’s home (to get car then go to work, we thought). Little voice at the bedroom door…’I think I’m going to be sick’. So she went to sleep on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet.

A Life Threatening Malignancy

2007-11-30T22:46:00.000Z

Well, that’s how the nice haematologist put it. When you’ve had one, apparently, you don’t take quite the same approach to Real Life. Another one of the haem team I see socially keeps staring at me in amazement which can be a bit disturbing too. That was a week ago and, since I’ve heard nothing, I guess the blood tests they did must’ve been OK. It’s always a bit strange at the clinic when there are other people so desperately ill – like what I was I suppose with me LTM.

Since Barney’s increasingly falling out with his work, and I’m always looking for new challenges, we’re making plans for a venture.

House prices are set to fall. So if we don’t sell up soon, we’ll have to wait 5 years, or whatever. We decided it’ll be a holiday let thing: we’ll buy two small places and live in one while the other generates a bit of income. Meanwhile we’ll cut down on the work. Els will be in charge of Meet and Greet, at least until the Kron has some jobs she’d like to apply for. If we get a double booking we’ll go to me mams for a week. All falling into place then?

This morning I got a valuation on the house. Seems it’s a plot really, meaning it’s more likely to sell to a developer. Barney’s not impressed with the projected sum. I suppose it’s a couple of flash cars and a holiday short of his expectations.

Next task is working out the finances. Should I stay or should I go?

Tropical storm

2007-11-21T10:48:00.000Z

It was an impulse buy. I went into Aldi and there it was: an aquarium starter set. We’d been talking about getting one – well I’d been looking because Els wanted one for her birthday, but we’d decided against it, since she’ll be moving on soon (well, maybe). It wasn’t expensive and… not just a cold water starter set, it had tropical fish food and heaters etc. I’d hankered after a few neon tetras myself and since I’d visited Dobbies and seen some lovely fish and plants and everything I took the plunge and stuck the kit in my trolley. It had to travel home on the passenger seat because the boot was full of essential golf items. I texted Els immediately and when she came home we made plans. I’d expected the big box to have considerable amounts of expanded polystyrene, but it was all tank. It was enormous. I was planning to put it in the hall, maybe. Barney declared he was having nothing to do with it.

Then the space time continuum intervened. It seems life’s getting a bit raddled and big brothery for pharmacists. He was not happy with the way it’s going, in fact there was talk (again) of giving it all up. Not a happy Barney. It was a miserable day too. He cheered up a bit when we went out in the pouring rain to find a travel bag for mam’s Christmas trip and some shirts for him.

Mam as usual was brilliant. When I introduced the topic in a positive way ‘hall or bedroom?’ she quietly said:
“All I know about aquariums is that every mental hospital I’ve ever visited has one in the hall”.

I took it back yesterday. They didn’t quibble.

Poor Wee Hen

2007-11-13T10:27:00.001Z

Peppersox is moulting – just as its starting to get really cold. She stopped being broody and immediately started getting bald patches.

She’s OK: I checked the Queensland Hen pages from Australia. There are lots of pins that will become lush new plumage, however for now she’s very pathetic, her comb isn’t Proper Red and she’s shown no sign of an egg since August. The Aussies would have had her in the stew pot by now as a ‘chook gone wrong’.

Bluebell on the other hand looked a bit scruffy and missed an egg or two over a couple of weeks, but she’s all lovely and fluffy now for winter and the eggs keep coming.

spot the difference:

In preparation for the breakdown of civilisation as we know it, we’re thinking about increasing the stock, adding a few broilers and perhaps sheep. Next I’m applying for permission to put up a polytunnel for winter - and in case the hens need to be undercover when bird flu approaches.

There may be trouble ahead.

2007-10-23T22:22:00.000+01:00

Barney thinks there’s been a wobble in the space time continuum. He said so seconds before Helen phoned after oh 20 years or so. I saw her today. She came for tea.

I can confirm. - she’s definitely on the other side of the Dorian Grey Line (a well-known feature of the STC which keeps most of us perpetually ageing). It was great to see her and to hear her voice again though.

And Nick arrived unannounced on the doorstep at around 11am with a birthday card for Els. He was on the way from Falkirk to Nottingham (see space = distance and time=birthdays).

So maybe that hillside hideaway beckons…